That’s it. We’ve had it with you, Louise Thompson. You’ve gone and done the one, unforgivable, bad, bad thing – the thing you promised you would never do again. The thing we hoped/prayed/willed you never to do again. Do explain to us – what exactly is the appeal of puggy, smug, smutty Spencer Matthews? We just don’t get it.
We knew it was going to end badly thanks to that ominous “next time” montage tacked onto the end of last week’s episode. And sure enough, we had Spencer in therapy claiming “I’m going to change myself” and Louise at a dinner party reassuring everyone she wouldn’t revisit her ex “unless it was the end of the world”. Made in Chelsea’s oh-so-conspicuous red herrings. Never mind poor Andy and his confession to Stevie: “When we go out with loads of girls and Louise is there, for me it’s like no one else is in the room”. Bless the poor fella with his puppy dog eyes and ginormous nostrils.
But it was all about to blow up in his face as Spenny strolled in to meet him and Stevie, not so fresh after Phoebe’s raucous dinner party and ready to get a giant mishap off his chest. “I do have something to say and you’re not going to like it,” he said, summoning the biggest dramatic pause of all time. “Louise and I hooked up after Phoebe’s. I didn’t go out of my way to do it… I just wanted it off my chest.” Gee thanks, Spencer.
Poor Andy with only a giant bear hug from Stevie to console him. Meanwhile Louise was with Phoebe, vigorously denying anything had happened when she stayed at Mr Matthews’ house. Pretty soon Phoebe had been replaced by a furious Andy who had to field more lies before he declared, “I wasted six months of my life on you.”
Undeterred by Andy’s refusal to believe her – and Spencer telling just about anyone who would listen what happened – Louise continued to spread her denial to Lucy and Jamie who wasted no time unpicking her version of events. “She’s lying,” said Jamie. Sherlock Holmes in the making, that one.
But Louise was on the warpath, determined to confront Spencer who gave us all some far-too-graphic details of exactly how many times the two had done the dirty on the Lost Boys’ sofa and then back at his. “If you ever want to speak to me again you’ll admit to everyone that you’ve been lying about the fact we slept together,” spat Louise. We know what we’d do.
And by the looks of next week’s trail, while Mr Matthews has moved on to mooning over Lucy Watson again, Louise is refusing to give in, telling Francis she’s innocent. Only time will tell whether she’s telling the truth. She’s certainly lied before…
Made in Chelsea continues next Monday at 10:00pm on E4