First things first. Jamie is channelling the Judge Rinder look. Why? Because he’s appearing in Channel 4’s celebrity edition of Hunted for Stand Up To Cancer, an experience he describes as “intense” and “mentally and physically exhausting”.
The new style is totally epic. “Dude, I mean, I should have shaved my head years ago. I’m not even kidding you. This is a game-changer. Literally.”
It gives him a whole new air of authority. “People seem to be scared of me now, whereas before no one was scared of me.”
Hard to believe.
More than that, people are “running away in the street” when they see Jamie, he’s that intimidating.
He’s going on Hunted with fellow Chelsea-ite Spencer Matthews, who was lucky enough to have his hair removed by Jamie. “I did mine to a grade two and he just did his to skin, the idiot!”
2. Jamie wants to do a nude MIC spin-off series
According to Jamie, it’s pretty warm weather in Ibiza. “It’s boiling hot. It’s a joke. So, so, so hot.”
This means he’s been wearing just swimming trunks every day. “That is literally all I’ve been doing.”
Wait, not even flip flops? “I hate flip flops. I just hate them. Also they hurt so much between your toes.
“God! They just cane!”
This has given him a genius idea for a new spin-off series. “Screw having to put on jeans and shoes. We’ve got to go back to basics, man.
“Oh god, let’s just make it happen, then we could just walk around naked everywhere.
What would he call the show? “Jamie Just Walks Naked Around the World.”
3. Out of all the boys, Sam Thompson works out the most
Spending two months in Ibiza can really take its toll, because what with all the pardying and eating there’s hardly any time left to go to the gym. “The boys have been trying to do lots of tensing [on camera] but it’s quite hard because, you know, the problem is out here you go and have a night out and the next day all you want to do is eat so you can’t work out and you just keep going out and eating.”
That must be awful. “Sam Thompson tries to work out every single day, but he’s just a weird guy.
“He needs to hang out and chill and not wear his flip flops and just relax.”
Jamie’s great with kids. “I’m awesome with babies. Kids are like sponges you can just teach them anything. Love it.
“Kids really do think I’m quite cool. My little brother thinks I’m like god. It’s amazing. I can’t wait to have a kid. Kids are the coolest thing in the entire world!”
He hasn’t met Binky and JP’s little girl yet, though. “I can’t wait to meet her. I’m super excited, it’s going to be so sweet!”
He definitely sees himself having children of his own one day. “100%. Can’t wait for it. Without a doubt.”
How many? “Twelve, I reckon. I’m going to make my own TV show about it, having twelve kids.”
He’s got names planned, of course. “Mercutio. Rocker. Rocket.”
Are they the twins? “Yeah, Rocker and Rocket.
“The annoying thing is Rocket’s a little bit cooler than Rocker, but it’s fine, because when he grows up Rocker actually becomes cooler than Rocket.”
Right. “As long as he shaves his head. He keeps shaving it because he wants to be like his dad but I’m like, ‘Rocker, stop shaving your head!’ and he’s like, ‘Nooo, I wanna be like you, Dad!’ And I’m like, ‘Okay, everyone does.’”
At this point we have slightly lost track of what he is saying. “I have no idea where this has gone, yeah.”
7. Astonishingly, the new series will feature relationship splits and drinks being thrown in faces
In Ibiza, the boys and girls will be split up into separate villas, and Sam and Tiff’s temporary break has been and gone. But that doesn’t mean people aren’t getting up in each other’s grills, so to speak. “There might be a few break-ups. There might be a few things that people shouldn’t be doing but they are doing.”
Never Jamie, though, surely. “Never me. Never in a million years me.”
Made in Chelsea: Ibiza begins on Monday 31 July at 9pm on E4