7.08 Hello! I’m Jack Seale, and following last week’s shock result when two other people who are obviously much better at liveblogging than me were inexplicably voted off, I am your host for the 2012 final of The Voice UK.
7:16 So tonight it’s the end of the Beeb’s latest curious experiment with the spiky, dirty beast that is the talent show format. It was really popular! Then it was much less popular! All the wrong people got eliminated in the semi-final! Who knows what slightly embarrassing surprises will be dealt out to us this evening. Whatever they are, I want your reaction. Right? Right.
7:17 IMPORTANT NOTE: TONIGHT’S LIVEBLOG WILL BE DELIVERED ENTIRELY IN FALSETTO. Radio Times’ publishers are, as we speak, working on a technology that will more vividly represent such things on the screen, and hope to have it working in time for The Voice UK 2013. In the meantime, you’ll just have to imagine it. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
7:17 Comment From mistress hello
7:19 Mistress! Hi. Ahem.
7:21 Pre-Voice trailers update: 1) I have seen that show where Gary Barlow goes round the world recording a special song. It’s good. He’s funny. 2) The BBC Olympic trail is soundtracked by All Together Now by The Beatles, which means either Paul McCartney is Olympics-mad or the BBC have spent 400,000 licence fees on the music for one trail.
7:23 Anyway it’s started! Danny says Bo needs to “sing like she’s never sung before”, which can only mean “slightly less like Dolores from the Cranberries”. Tom says Leanne will blow the roof off the studio. Normally that’s just a phrase. Not here. Leanne could cause structural damage.
7:25 Formal wear from presenters and judges. Bow ties on Tom and Reg. Holly and, particularly, Jessie J with a bit of a leather/plastic dominatrix vibe. Will has just rocked up in a big motorcycle jacket.
7:26 TONIGHT’S GUESTS ON THE VOICE: Ed Sheeran and Maroon 5. Perhaps the two acts who, more than anyone, are responsible for all this.
7:29 First up it’s BO BRUCE! She has a unique voice, claims Danny, as ever unerringly finding his own act’s big weakness. Bo is singing one of Sinead O’Connor’s biggest hits, Nothing Compares 2 U.
7:30 Canny choice this, because the original is sung by an Irish vocalist, so Bo’s weird comedy Irish accent sounds less offensive.
7:32 Well, it was a decent impersonation. “Bo, if I could sing like you I wouldn’t bother with speaking,” says Holly poetically. Danny is emotional. “Every time I hear you sing I get tears, goosebumps, and a lump in my throat.” That’s glandular fever I think, Dan. Go home before you infect the audience.
7:34 “Everyone always says Bo has a unique voice,” Holly asks Tom. “Why is that?” Excellent question. “No idea love, she sounds like her off the Cranberries,” Tom replies. OK, he doesn’t. Anyway, the consensus among the judges was that Bo’s performance was up there with the premiere of The Rite of Spring in 1913. Possibly I was typing during the amazing bit.
7:35 Now it’s LEANNE MITCHELL! Very humble in the pre-song VT. The song: It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s Man’s Man’s (Man’s) World by James James James Brown.
7:36 Comment From Gingernut Now Leanne, who actually has the best voice.
7:37 Very confident, this, and just the right song for her. Big notes, some growling, a horrid twiddly bit with a hundred extra notes but apparently people like that sort of thing so whatever. Big finish. Nailed it. Crikey, can Leanne win?
7:37 Comment From Maria Wow! That’s what I call a voice!
7:39 Comment From Sam Amazing voice! Slightly too many frills for me, but WOW she does them well so I’ll forgive her!!
7:41 Will says Ruth will be at home saying how good that was. Yep. Standing and politely applauding. Probably ringing in several times to vote. Big VOTE LEANNE banner in the lounge window. Oh but hang on, aren’t the other contestants in the audience? Anyway, now it’s TYLER JAMES! Despite having backed him at 12/1 I shall remain impartial. VOTE TYLER! Er, I mean, “It’s Tyler now.”
7:42 Tyler sings I’ll Be There by Michael Jackson or The Jacksons or The Jackson 5 or whoever. Very, very high right from the gun.
7:44 Singing properly in the chorus which was good, then on the second verse WHOA he’s squeaking like a eunuch mouse again. A massive falsetto at the end that nearly made him fall over, and that’s that. Great if you like falsettos and quiffs. I suspect Britain does.
7:44 Comment From Fiona J Packs of dogs are now running to the TV.
7:44 Comment From Liz Will there be pizzas with the finalists’ faces on? Oh, wrong show
7:46 “You sang the woman’s and the guy’s part yourself!” says Jessie J. Huh?
7:47 Tyler thanks the judges for changing his life, but disappointingly does it in a normal voice. He should SPEAK in falsetto. And change his name to Tyler Falsetto.
7:48 Now it’s cheeky Cockney sex goblin VINCE KIDD! Any glassware in your lounge that didn’t crack already might go now. Tyler’s loosened it.
7:50 Vince, in one of Lesley Joseph’s old blouses, sings Many Rivers to Cross. Good strong falsetto start.
7:51 Ohhhhh dear. That was really REALLY boring. Vince has blown it massively there I think. He just stood there and got through it.
7:51 Comment From Maria And the winner is LEANNE! No contest!
7:52 “I have to point this out,” says Jessie J. “Vince styles himself, and he produces all the tracks.”
7:53 “This could be life-changing for [Vince],” says Holly. I dunno. I think that might have been a life-staying-exactly-the-same performance.
7:56 “Other than ‘that was dope’, I don’t know what else to say,” says Will, who is notably off-form tonight. Now we’re back in Reg’s cupboard. Not seeing any of my tweets on Reg’s big telly. I will keep trying.
7:57 On Reg’s big telly, Laura Chassels says: “Tyler was dope.” Come and comment here, Laura! We need your insights.
7:58 On round one, I’m calling it thus: 1) Leanne 2) Bo 3) Tyler 4) Vince.
7:58 Incidentally, in just the last five minutes you’ve had a live square bracket and a “thus”. You don’t get that sort of thing on the Metro live blog.
8:00 “She’s my inspiration,” says Danny of BO BRUCE, who’s back to duet with her mentor. He’s referring to her mother’s illness which of course is awful for her, but I wonder if Danny should mention it a bit less.
8:01 Danny is on stage and he’s RAPPING. Also, diamante knee pads. Are they a thing?
8:01 Bo is totally carrying Danny here.
8:02 Comment From Fiona J Agreed. Bo’s not mentioned her Mum’s illness which makes me think it’s none of Danny’s business to bring it up
8:04 Good finish where Danny and Bo both have a bash at the drum kit, but I’m not sure about these mentor duets. It’s quite hard to stop them being a novelty and make them into a contest-winner. Danny says Bo will do a lot of guest vocalist work in the future. The technical term, I think, is actually “session” rather than “guest”…
8:06 Back to LEANNE MITCHELL! Inexplicable use of Someone Like You in the VT before Leanne and Tom do Mama Told Me Not To Come. Tonight Matthew, Leanne IS Kelly out of the Stereophonics.
8:08 Come on, this is fun. Leanne’s bossing the final all ends up.
8:09 Particularly liking the use of a raddled old geezer with tattoos, who wandered on to do the guitar solo. Chicken in a basket, jug of lager, a bit of bingo, lovely.
8:10 Tom, who has duetted with Elvis, Janis Joplin, Louis XIII and Moses, says that was up there.
8:11 Comment From Alice Leanne’s duet was awesome, if the public don’t go with that then they have no ears or souls
8:11 Alice gets us down to brass tacks there. DO THE PUBLIC HAVE EARS OR SOULS?
8:11 Comment From Liz Poor Leanne. Every time they have a post-song chat somebody mentions Ruth….
8:11 Comment From Maria You have so lost your dosh on Tyler.
8:13 Already had a saver on Leanne, Maria. I wasn’t born yesterday.
8:13 Comment From Ailsa The Voice is amazing! Leanne’s definately GOT to win! She has an amazing voice! LEANNE, LEANNE, LEANNE!
8:14 TYLER JAMES returns, with Will, to do OMG by Usher. Descending onto the stage on wires, which are then released by ladies who are both dancers and qualified stuntwomen.
8:17 That was an absolute mess. Never mind Usher, that was like the taxi queue after an Usher gig. Shouting, with some bits of Usher sung badly. Everyone except Leanne is blowing it hugely.
8:17 Will mentions that the winner of The Voice US last year has sung without trace. Wooh! Yeah! Vote now!
8:18 Comment From Liz I’ve had to mute it. Terrible. Let me know when it’s over
8:19 It’s over, Liz! Crank it up, it’s VINCE KIDD singing with Jessie J. Footage of them on the pitch at Wembley rehearsing, with Dermot O’Leary playing guitar for some reason.
8:20 Last chance for Vince, who was godawful in round one. They were supposed to be doing Price Tag by Jessie J I think, but there’s been a change of plan so it’s Nobody’s Perfect. By Jessie J.
8:22 Unlike Bo and Tyler, Vince is benefiting a lot from the duet format here. Jessie J is doing most of it herself but hyping Vince up as well.
8:24 That and Leanne/Tom were easily the best of the duets round. Vince back in contention. Nice syllable-off to end with, Jessie J whipped up the crowd, and overall I think we’ve found the new dream cast for Oliver! in the West End.
8:26 Comment From B I’m voting for Jessie!
8:27 See? I actually think quite a lot of people at home who love Jessie will vote for her on the back of that duet, with the fact that it counts as a vote for Vince just a side-effect.
8:27 So I’m scoring round two like this: 1) Vince 2) Leanne 3) Bo 4) Tyler. Still think Leanne is well ahead overall. She’s aced it both times.
8:28 Comment From Matthew Interesting how all of the coaches and their acts went to a place to practice their singing, except Tyler and Will, who only went to an awards show…
8:28 Ah Jeez, it’s Ed Sheeran. I’m off for a piddle.
8:32 I genuinely went to the toilet during that. I trust I missed nothing.
8:32 Comment From Maria I’ve just done a full face exfoliation!
8:33 Still, Ed Sheeran’s hair gives us all hope.
8:36 Round-up of the series so far. Clips of Ruth and Jaz. Remember Ruth and Jaz, Britain, you bloody idiots?
8:37 IDEA FOR SIMON COWELL: a one-off special, on ITV1, next Saturday. Ruth v Jaz.
8:39 The first result! Going home: VINCE KIDD. No surprise there really, his duet was good but he was dreadful in the first round.
8:40 Powerful montage of Vince’s best erotic squeaks. “Vince Kidd’s licks and trills are so clean,” says Jessie.
8:42 “A winner is a winner before they win. Sometimes winning isn’t everything,” says Jessie J on stage. Holly is almost in tears. Despair possibly. “Vince IS The Voice,” adds Jessie. He isn’t.
8:43 I’ve just noticed Holly’s cleavage isn’t as lop-sided as it was at the start. Fixed during Ed Sheeran I guess. Good opportunity to make those fine tweaks.
8:44 Good lord, they don’t hang about on this show do they? About 45 seconds after BO BRUCE might have been going home, she’s back. Danny choked up AGAIN in the VT. Give over, man!
8:44 Comment From Emmylou Alright….I’m gonna say it….I don’t like Leanne’s voice…..gasp. I’m sorry – that’s just the way it is. I bet there are loads of you out there – you’re just to scared to say it out loud.
8:44 Comment From Kerry S Jessie: ‘Vince kidd’s trills are unique’. Rather like a canary.
8:46 Bo does Charlie Brown by Coldplay. THIS IS AS EXCITING AS THE ORIGINAL!
8:48 Danny is so emotional he briefly sounded like a gibbering twazzock there. Hard to believe, but that’s the sort of extreme situation we’re in.
8:50 Here we go! LEANNE MITCHELL! Go on, love!
8:50 Comment From Emmylou Oh I hate it when people make bad grammar mistakes in their comments…I meant to say “too scared” but I panicked cos my husband’s come home earlier than expected and caught me commenting on The Voice….he’s having the divorce papers drawn up as I type.
8:51 Leanne does Run to You, a song that IS by Whitney Houston but ISN’T one we’ve heard a zillion times on talent shows before. Jessie J in floods, not sure why.
8:51 Comment From Maria Book me on that cruise!
8:52 Still not really my cup of tea, that. Big ballad, big notes, big cheese. But if the Whitney/Mariah vibe rocks your boat that was impeccable. Aced it again.
8:55 Back to TYLER JAMES. Will he follow Leanne’s lead and do his semi-final song? (They’re all doing their faves from previously in the series.) I’m hoping for Higher Love myself. Surely he can’t get away with Bohemian Rhapsody again?
8:56 Higher Love it is. Bad start as Tyler misses his cue and doesn’t sing half the first line. Nice shoes though.
8:59 Back in the game after that. The right song, and going last never hurts. It’s anyone’s.
8:59 Will stands on his chair but then rambles on about nothing. Can I vote him off? He’s been terrible all night. Crumbled under the pressure.
9:02 Eyes down, it’s a full recap… I still think Leanne’s got it.
9:03 Six minutes of voting left. Can The Voice possibly pull out a guest artist I dislike more than Ed Sheeran? Yes they can! Ladies and gentlemen, MAROON 5!
9:04 I’m off to stand outside in the rain for a minute.
9:05 Comment From Matthew Jack…Who do you actually like? 🙂
9:07 Who do I like? Loads of people! China Crisis. Bernard Cribbins. The Strawbs. Yazz and the Plastic Population. Stockhausen. Girls Aloud. Anything really.
9:09 Back to Reg in his cupboard, where the big telly reports that GizmoBud has tweeted thus: “The Voice is great tonight!” Frayer Johanson responds: “Bo to win!!!!!” Is someone collating these? I want to pre-order the hardback on Amazon.
9:13 More time to fill, so there’s VT of the judges talking about their experiences on the show. It’s been underwhelming, verging on embarrassing, and they hope never to see each other again. THAT’S WHAT THEIR EYES SAY.
9:15 Oh and here they are on stage, doing a “mash-up” of a bunch of their hits. A jazz-funk It’s Not Unusual by Tom and Jessie first, straight into Tom doing something or other by The Script. His eyes burning furiously through the autocue. Never heard it before 5pm today.
9:16 Price Tag. Will forgets the words.
9:17 Smoothly segued into Where Is The Love. Will does the rap rather than let Danny take over. Probably intimidated by Dan’s performance earlier. Doesn’t want him showing him up.
9:19 Well, that was… bitty. One more package of reminiscences about the journey we’ve all been on together, then it’s the final result. Prediction: 3) Tyler 2) Bo 1) Leanne. I’ve been wrong before, you know.
9:20 “When she sings, you think she’s singing TO YOU,” says Tom of Leanne. Footage of them in rehearsal. Er, she was singing to you, Tom. Nobody else there except some guy on piano.
9:21 The votes have been counted and INDEPENDENTLY verified. On some shows they let one of the contestants do that, but it’s proved to be a bad idea.
9:21 Ooh straight to the winner and it’s LEANNE! Get in!
9:22 No cruise ship gigs for Leanne until AT LEAST November.
9:24 Stage invasion! Random, rather grotesque members of the public storm the studio and brazenly – oh hang on, that’s the other contestants and the coaches.
9:25 It’s over! Blimey, not much milking the big moment. No repeat performance, hardly any interview. That’s it.
9:26 There isn’t even a post mortem on BBC3. BBC3 is, instead, currently embarking on the third hour of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.
9:27 Thanks very much for all your comments: as ever I simply could not post all of them but, as ever, they were generally of a reasonable standard. Much appreciated.
9:29 Comment From Matthew See you when the X factor comes!
9:32 As Matthew says, I shall return for The X Factor in OH MY GOD that starts in August, doesn’t it? You basically own me. I’m off to listen to Whitney Houston’s greatest hits in the bath. Wait. Not the bath. Anyway, The Voice finished ages ago so I should shut up. Bye!