Reality TV gods, please give us strength. We’ve just spent what seemed like several decades listening to Lady C talking about a tin of tomato soup — and no man or beast in the whole I’m a Celebrity jungle has any idea why.
What we did glean from the surreal scene was that the aristocrat wanted the starving Snake Rock clan to have a quarter of the tomato soup when they returned, while everyone else felt they should be allowed the entire thing. And she went on and on and on about it until everyone was so bored, they’d have gladly volunteered to eat a leech’s scrotum then and there rather than hear any more.
Things got a bit more interesting when she called the group “brain dead” before attacking Duncan the Dragon’s masculinity with the fantastically dramatic phrase, “you’re a mouse compared to what I’m used to.” If she hadn’t been clutching that tin with such fury, anyone would’ve thought this was how aristocrats flirt.
And Duncan, who for the last six days may or may not have been in a coma, suddenly lost his rag. “It’s a tin of bloody tomato soup! What a nasty woman you are.” To which Lady C responded with a line that made even the centipedes chuckle; “I have made more of a contribution regarding food than anyone and made the most sacrifices.” As the campers wondered if they’d entered an alternate universe, Lady C sat back and gleefully surveyed the carnage she’d created.
The lady’s appetite for destruction continued at the Crocodile Creeker’s banquet, when she told Tony his carving wasn’t as good as hers. “Just because you’re in the jungle doesn’t mean you need to be like a savage,” she said, stirring the pot again. But Vicky was beside herself with joy as she inhaled the roast pig, exclaiming, “the place looks like Hogwarts…I feel like Harry Potter!” If the Geordie reality star is the boy wizard, then that must make Lady C you know who…
While the campers feasted, the Snake Rock crew were in the Trailer of Torment, trying to win food by letting cockroaches and tarantulas clamber all over them. Thankfully, they won the task. It was probably down to two major factors: Susannah having “plugged every orifice” in her body and Jorgie urging the insects to crawl in the other direction with the mantra, “we are not a tree, we are not a tree.”
But poor George’s elation at winning the food didn’t stop him bursting into tears back at camp. As a lovely, motherly Susannah gave him a huge hug and said she didn’t mind his snot getting on her top, he told her that he was only staying in the jungle so “he wouldn’t let everyone down.” It wasn’t the challenges that were getting him down, it was “the living.”
He was soon alright again, although Twitter will have to get an emergency delivery of heart emojis. And as Vicky and Ferne found out they’re the lucky duo taking on the next trial, Tony got too close to the camp fire and got his fringe singed/trimmed. We’re sure Lady C will have something conciliatory to say about that tomorrow…