I will stop… pretending I watch EastEnders. I feel like I should watch one of the soaps and this is my chosen one. But it’s just on too much and my recordy box is groaning both at the amount of episodes and at the fact that I tape a gloomy programme and make myself feel bad for being behind with it.
I will not… watch Breaking Bad just because everyone else has seen it. That worked when I wanted Kylie’s first tape or when ra-ra skirts first came out, but I’m 38, damn it, and will not respond to peer pressure.
Having said that… I will give The Wire another go. My enthusiasm can be illustrated by the fact that I couldn’t remember the title and just googled “box set people always go on about” to find it.
I will make… a concerted effort not to buy any products whose advertising is patronising to women.
I will not… feel bad when I switch the telly on and see that the night before it was left on some god- awful music channel that just plays love songs. I miss my man when he’s not here and if watching Diana Ross and Lionel Richie duetting all over the shop makes me feel better, then so be it.
I will keep… recording Pointless to watch while I’m cooking. Nothing makes a home-made banoffee pie even sweeter than your knowledge of Dustin Hoffman resulting in a pointless answer and a very smug (toffee-smeared) face.
I will sometimes… put the radio on instead of the telly rather than as well as. I quite like a noisy house.
I will record… all nature programmes purely for my cats to watch. They need to sit further back, though, or they’ll end up with square eyes.
I will keep… my fingers crossed that Phillip Schofield is still on the telly almost every day.
I will buy… the box set of Glee for when I haven’t cried enough and feel a bit backed-up.
I will stop... recording Take Me Out as I’m almost certain it’s a repeat. Hard to tell when the girls all look so similar.
I will try… to forgive Julian Fellowes, so that I can climb back on my Downton Abbey horse and catch up on what I’ve missed. Still annoyed, though.
MY HERO IN ANY YEAR
Sherlock! Sherlock! Sherlock! Thank God he’s OK and still excellent and dishy as hell.
Sarah Millican: Chatterbox Live is showing again on Friday C4 at 10pm. The Sarah Millican Television Programme — Best of Series 1 & 2 is available on DVD at radiotimes.com/dvdshop