Bad news for all Love Island viewers only tuning in for a gentile look at the Majorcan scenery in the background – tonight’s episode is set to revolve around one thing and one thing only: major drama.
Firstly, there’s the fallout from Anna and Jordan’s meltdown. After the couple’s fiery split yesterday – where Jordan decided to pursue his feelings for India – Anna is left distraught and avoiding all contact with her former flame.
With tears in her eyes, she tells the beach hut: “Why can’t I be that girl who comes in here and finds someone who really likes me, and wants to treat me well?
“Why do I have to be the girl that comes in here and gets tricked into a relationship?”
Later in the evening, Jordan tries to apologise to Anna, saying he should have spoken to her before making a move on India. And, as you’d expect, this doesn’t exactly go down well.
“You shouldn’t have pulled me first. You shouldn’t have asked me to be your girlfriend!” Anna says. “You shouldn’t have lied to me for the past three weeks.”
But Jordan isn’t the only boy to face the wrath of his partner. Curtis is set to clash with Maura after she discovers his hand in Jordan’s breakup.
In a group chat, Amber tells the girls: “Curtis’ advice to Jordan was ‘pull India before you pull Anna, because Anna’s gonna kick off and you’re not gonna have a chance to speak to India.’”
Not exactly this year’s most subtle islander, Maura immediately confronts Curtis about his part in the split. Curtis’ response? He says he thinks Jordan is “brave” for grafting India. Yup, really.
Although he apologises for the comment the next day, it still leaves Maura scratching her head. “For Curtis to give that advice to Jordan, it baffles me,” she tells the beach hut. “If he was my boyfriend, is that what he would do? Would he pull a girl before chatting to his girlfriend?”
If only we knew what Curtis would do in that situation. Maybe Jourdan would know…
But there’s more! The episode also manages to squeeze in the return of a Love Island mainstay: the baby challenge. Once again, each couple will have to care for a robotic tot for the day, with the best parents crowned top Mummy and Daddy.
Some of the couples are delighted with the challenge, particularly Ovie, who falls in love with his baby’s sartorial choices – “HE’S GOT A BUCKET HAT!”
Other duos are, well, not quite as keen. “Jordan’s a single dad to whoever’s baby that is because it’s not mine,” Anna tells the beach hut. “I don’t want a baby with him.”
Taking a swipe at Jordan she says: “It’s [from] one of your 100 girls, babe.” To which he replies: “I’m not your babe.”
So, while single dad Jordan cares for his kid, the couples’ set about naming their new bundles of (artificial) joy. Some people might say they’re all terrible, but we couldn’t possibly comment…
India and Ovie: Raymond Junior
Curtis and Maura: Bella
Molly-Mae and Tommy: Tommy Junior (TJ)
Chris and Harley: Penny-Sue Tinkerbell
Anton and Belle: Valentino
Amber and Greg: Kobe
And! That’s! Not! All! Later the islanders learn by text that the public has been voting for their favourite couples, with TWO pairs set to be dumped from the show.
Which couples will get sent home? Will Tommy and Molly-Mae be the only couple still together by the end of this series? And will Penny-Sue Tinkerbell have to change her name by deed poll after years of traumatising schoolyard taunts? So many questions, so little time.