While British dads might shake the date’s hand and mention the weather, American dads always seem to go all gangster and say things like, “anything happens to my daughter, I got 45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.”
While you arranged to meet your date at the bus stop, Americans pick up their dates from home without panicking about parking, traffic or the fact that technically they’re only going to be able to have a tiny glass of wine.
While you might have got a raggedy bit of paper if you were very lucky, Americans ask each other out by interrupting public events to sing songs in front of huge crowds.
While you got an end-of-term class trip to a candle-making factory, American teens spend their last day of term getting sweets delivered to their desk during maths lessons. And if they don’t, they’re socially ruined…
While you were busy re-applying fake blood at your Halloween parties, American teens always get really un-festive and cheat on each other at Halloween. It mostly involves girls dressed as rabbits.
While you went to a candle-lit Italian restaurant and ate linguine, American teens woo each other over cheesy fries at a ketchup-stained plastic table.
Before Americans go to the prom, guys pin a tiny bunch of flowers to the girl’s dress and everyone gets really excited…
While your life didn’t change dramatically when you cut your hair, American teens start ensnaring jocks as soon as their hair gets less frizzy. And if they remove their glasses, well, they get boys falling at their feet.
When the love is unrequited, they don’t tell their best friend they’re obsessed with them. Instead they simply help them to date other people. Then in the end, the best friend falls in love with them instead. Genius!
While you just went to a school disco with your friends, for Americans their entire social life revolves around whether they’ll get a prom date. Literally nothing matters more.
While you had to put down your massive rucksack every time to look even remotely cool, Americans just casually chat each other up by their lockers while their heavy books remain safely out of sight.