"That's very daring. Yeah. Very. I won't tell you why." Martha was precociously threatening to eggwash her baps and, in bread week, Paul Hollywood wasn't going to be so kind as to stop her making a fool of herself.
Even more than everything else in the Bake Off tent and indeed the universe, bread is Paul's domain. It's very him. Tough, unpretentious, dusted with flour on top. Paul hogged the chats and the judging - no FondantGate stares from Mary Berry this week, as she enjoyed what was virtually a week off. To their immense credit, the contestants rebelled during the signature challenge of 12 identical rye rolls, led by teen delinquent Martha and her solemn promise re the brushed egg: "I'm gonna do it anyway."
Having been told off for excessively plain baking, Norman determinedly continued his war on fancy with some simple caraway and sultana rolls. Iain ignored Paul's scornful look as he lovingly caressed his dough instead of pummelling it mercilessly, which is what dough really wants. Nancy was adamant that a 70g roll would be done in 15 minutes, the nutter. Jordan insisted that his unworkably dry dough was exactly the way he does it at home, which might not be much of a defence.
Last week, Diana realised that her younger rivals were using trendy flavours and intricate designs that she, with her decades of WI-style traditionalism, can't match. Her response? Carrying on with increasingly ramshackle old-school bakes, announced with a mix of cheerful resignation and suppressed hysteria. "They're cheese, and walnut, rye rolls," she said, sounding well aware that the guy at the next bench was probably plaiting two different doughs into a geometric taste experiment, as indeed Luis was. Having whacked a truckle-load of cheese into her dough before she'd even proved it ("There's some Shropshire Blue, and a bit of Stilton"), Diana herded the stuff into flowerpots, shoved it in the oven and hoped for the best.
Richard and Nancy were underbaked, while Chetna - who is starting to look as if she really just wants to cook the same delicious spicy onion thing for every challenge, and might thus struggle in cream cake week - was flat. Strugglers Jordan, Norman and Iain came through, as did Diana once Paul had savagely trimmed off the top of her toxic cheese cloud. Hitting the front were Kate and Luis thanks to their perfectly glazed, delicately flavoured rye.
Luis even received Paul's new top gesture of approval: the low handshake across the worktop, with hand pointing downward to retain ultimate supremacy, but still with enough affection to make Luis go giddy.
As ringleaders tend to, however, Martha received the harshest words from the authorities. "Because you put the glaze on the top, which has falsely accused the roll of being ready, you've brought them out too early." Never let a glaze falsely accuse your roll, Martha. Write this down.