Seven blessings, hello and welcome to our Game of Thrones live blog! As usual, we’re watching the latest episode live at 2am GMT (9pm if you’re in the States), and following every twist, turn and grisly murder as they unfold onscreen. Check below for the latest updates.
03.23: But until we find that out together next week, I think it’s about time I took my leave. This was a cracking episode and it’s worn me out – but after a good sleep I might watch it all over again!
See you all for the next episode, and remember – always believe in yourself, because nobody believed in dragons or White Walkers and look how many of them ended up dying horrible deaths #inspo.
That dragon costume I bought before the series began was TOTALLY worth the money for this very moment.
03.08: Oh, and Jon and Dany clearly have the hots for each other. I’m calling it…
03.05: But where does it all leave us? Well, Dany has won her first victory in this war, and crippled some of the Lannister forces. I think all that Iron bank gold made its way into the capital, but the food certainly didn’t, which won’t be great for Cersei’s team come winter.
And Jaime MIGHT have died, like Nikolaj Coster-Waldau hinted earlier tonight. I doubt it highly – I’d say the character still has some unfinished business with Cersei – but in a show as ruthless as Game of Thrones, you never know.
03.03: Man, that was another fantastic episode. Thought it was a little slow at first, but the burgeoning Jon/Dany romance isn’t nearly as sickening as I thought (their whole mutual storyline has been a pleasant surprise to me, to be honest), and Arya’s return to Winterfell was perfectly pitched. I could have watched her spar with Brienne for a whole episode, personally.
And then that ending! THAT ENDING. Game of Thrones has done some amazing battle scenes in its time, but that might have just taken the crown. What a brilliant piece of TV.
03.02: Can you believe this was Drogon back in season 1? Now look at him…
03.00: But blimey. That really was an incredibly dragon scene. For years we’ve been watching these things, hearing about their potential – and now we’ve seen it. They’re living, breathing weapons of mass destruction. Dany could win this war in a day – but at what cost.
Hard to get those burned, screaming Lannister soldiers out of my mind. Game of Thrones always does “horrors of war” stuff well.
02.59: Think it was Bronn who shoved Jaime into the water there – guess you could say Jaime will have to…
(yes I know it’s the Blackwater, but that doesn’t rhyme with Khyber)
02.58: An “incendiary battle” indeed, Sky Atlantic narrator. Whooo-eee. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
02.57: oh but he got pushed off his horse to avoid the blaze! And that’s the end!
02.56: Jaime sees Dany tending to Drogon’s injuries – decides to charge her with a lance! Leeeeeroy Jenkinnnsssss
02.55: Bronn wings Drogon with a bolt (literally – it’s in the wing!). Dany’s plan to ride out into battle not looking so hot now – but Drogon’s staying upright. Smashes up the crossbows, hilariously.
02.54: “Take cover!” Jaime yells, as his soldiers are literally turned to ash and scattered to the winds. This is grim, stunning visual storytelling (he said pretentiously).
02.52: haha, Bronn shot a Dothraki with the massive crossbow! I’m torn – I want him to survive, but I don’t want him to hit Drogon either…
Tyrion, like me, is very conflicted about a battle that sees his own family’s soldiers slaughtered.
02.51: Mixed feelings about the battle – I want everyone to survive! Bronn is heading over to the anti-dragon crossbow, while Jaime seems to have regained a bit of fighting skill. Dickon saves him! Definitely gonna die.
02.50: Daenerys is looking at these Lannisters and their caravans like…
But seriously, this looks incredible. Proper dragon warfare – it’s what Thrones has been building up to for years!
02.49: Dothraki charging through flames, smashing their way through Lannisters. This is GORY!
02.47: A Dothraki horde! Lannisters getting the spears out….this could be a bloodbath.
Bronn wants to flee. Just call him….
Oh damn forget that! Dany’s here on a dragon! And she just vaporised a huge chunk of the army! Aaaah!
And Dany wouldn’t be the first woman to struggle to get a man down on one knee, eh? Eh gals? #amIrightladies #everydaysexism
02.35: Haha Brienne just kicked her in the chest whaaaaaaat. Now they’re just hacking away for the fun of it. A draw, but I’d say if Arya had meant to kill her, this could have been…
Arya says “No-One” taught her to fight – pretty clever. Sansa is a little creeped out (how did both her siblings turn into X-Men?) – and Arya is eyeing up Littlefinger. And now advert break!
02.34: Arya pulling out the water dancing tricks and OWNING this fight! Very cool.
02.33: Arya wants to get Brienne to train with her. Brienne is being a bit patronising. She may regret this…
02.31: Daenerys has learned of yet another ally’s demise, and now she wants to go nuclear – basically melt King’s Landing. Jon has suggested she be a bit nicer instead. That seems to be his message this year – be nice. This can only go well.
02.27: Things we’ve learned from the carvings: either there’s been more than one Night King, or he has at some point had a shave, which is a funny thought (he has a beard in the cavern drawing).
02.26: Typical Jon, taking women into caves to persuade them of things. If a move works, it works.
He’s showing her carvings the Children of the Forest made about the White Walkers’ previous attack. Shame no-one kept an eye on it, really.
02.25: Dany and Missandei sharing sex gossip. Funny.
Now Jon is taking them into the Dragonstone cavern to show them what he’s about to hack away. It does definitely look like a big cave. CGI well spent.
02.24: Bran’s given away his new Valyrian steel dagger, because, let’s face it, Arya will make better use of it. Brienne proudly looks on at the two girls she vowed to save, rightly acknowledges that she did “next to nothing” and this all happened mostly by chance.
Now back in Dragonstone!
02.23: Bran sees everything now – but we shouldn’t be surprised. We could even say…
02.21: Arya and Bran are together again! At least he still knows how to hug.
02.20: Quite a long advert break, this. Ample time to secure my legacy as a man of memes.
02.19: But how will Arya find Bran when she finally meets him? I greensee three possibilities…
02.16: And as Sansa is about to warn her sister about how creepy their brother now is, we’re in the first advert break! Exciting to see another Stark reunion – after years of them being scattered, they’ve been coming thick and fast lately.
02.15: Sansa starting to realise just how weird and murder-y her sister has become.
02.13: They’ve agreed to let her in, and she’s run off. Funnily enough, the guy playing the, ahem, larger of the two guards is an actor called Danny Kirrane with a Thrones connection – he starred in a series where Sean Bean (dressed like Ned Stark and making frequent reference to Game of Thrones) was his spirit guide. Called Wasted, if you want to look it up.
And in the time I explained that trivia, we had a momentous reunion between Arya and Sansa, reunited for the first time since season one. I know my priorities.
02.11: Arya being stopped at the gates by some oafish Winterfell guards. Her inner monologue right now…
02.10: “You died in that cave,” Meera says – then leaves to go be with her family. Aparently, this is the last we’ll see of her, so it’s a sad exit for actor Ellie Kendrick. Bye Ellie!
02.09: Meera has come in to leave – all Bran has done is agree that he doesn’t need her, and give her a paltry “Thank you.” She’s understandably upset. He says he’s not really Bran anymore – he remembers so many lives.
02.08: Bran is basically blanking this entire conversation. OHHH and then he quoted Littlefinger’s “Chaos is a ladder” speech right back at him!
That’s some pretty good…
02.07: Yeah yeah, Cersei will get a new loan. Exciting stuff. Now we’re at a meeting between Bran and Littlefinger, of all people. Not sure these characters have ever been in the same room before?
02.06: Oh, here’s more Iron Bank banter with Sherlock’s Mark Gatiss. Tycho Nestoris is quite slippery though – guess you could say he’s a…
02.04: Bronn is busting Jaime over not giving him a castle. He’s a man with simple dreams – he just wants a castle! The Dreadfort must be free, right?
02.03: Oh, here we are – starting off with the Lannisters carting their plunder back from Highgarden. Lots of gold to pay off the Iron bank, out in the open. What could possibly go wrong?
02.01: It’s kicking off, Pru! (niche reference).
Here come those opening titles. Still not sure why it isn’t a Lannister lion over King’s Landing, or why we still don’t see Casterly Rock or Highgarden. Booo. BOOOOO.
01.59: Li’l Jon and I are ready for action – how about you?
01.56: Previous week’s episode has finished, so we’re not far off now!
01.54: Oh, here’s a fun fact about tonight’s episode – it’s the shortest Game of Thrones EVER (well, only by about a minute, but still). Bit of a first. After this, for the next couple of weeks the episodes get longer by about 10 minutes every time. Good for fans, stressful for live bloggers.
01.49: Just over 10 minutes. My body is ready.
01.45: While we are counting down, why not take a look at our little weekly video recap to remind yourself of last week’s episode? Contains some weirdly sexual Jorah Mormont wordplay.
literally counting the seconds before this new episode of GoT airs 😬 #GameofThrones
01.28: Same fam, same. I feel a great connection to all the world’s sofa-bound slobs tonight.
01.22: Trying to think what else we could expect this week. Will Arya finally make it to Winterfell? She wasn’t in last week’s episode. Will Jorah make is back to Daenerys, or will they save that for another week? And will we finally get the full recipe for Hot Pie’s greatest pastry creations, laid out in real time as the episode drags on for hours?
What, just me on that last one? Well, I did have a light lunch…
01.19: Got to that bit in last week’s episode where Cersei leaves Ellaria to watch her daughter rot. Brr.
01.16: You know who I miss? Tormund. Ever since he went to man Eastwatch on the Wall, this series has been missing something. Where will we get our Brienne/Tormund romance if he’s hundreds of miles away? SAD!
01.14: Forgot to add to my Pilou patter – he and Coster-Waldau seem to have gotten on rather well in real life (they are both Danish, so maybe they bonded over the vast number of complex, compelling BBC4 murders committed in their home country), and fans spotted them at a sports match together. Hilarity, of course, ensued…
01.12: OMG. Some fans have solved another of Westeros’ biggest mysteries…
01.08: Fun fact about Pilou – he’s actually very well known outside of his acting for his time presenting Eurovision, and my girlfriend has long been a massive fan of his. Who reading the books would have thought Euron would be such a big draw, especially once they wrote out his eyepatch and magic armour?
01.06: Just occurred to me that I could watch last week’s episode on Sky Atlantic before this one, and tuned in just in time for Pilou Asbaek/Euron Greyjoy’s peerless delivery of ‘What a twat!!!”
“Finger in de bum?!?!” one of the greatest lines Game of Thrones, nay, television as a medium, has ever put into the world, is incoming. Can’t believe I missed that off the episode 3 highlights earlier.
01.03: Also coming tonight – a new hit single from up-and-coming folk collective the Dragonstoners, as seen in their new album artwork below.
It’s looking pretty tight – though I’ll always have a soft spot for Tyrion’s earlier releases in Danyz Boyz.
(They both look like album covers, is my clever, original and subtle joke)
01.00: Only an hour left now, lads! Winter is Coming.
00.55: Very true – unless you’ve seen the leaks. You big cheaters, you.
00.53: Luckily, one of the cast members has come to the rescue – the rare occurence where one of my “dank memes” (as I believe the youths call them) comes pre-approved from one of the Starks themselves.
Suffice it to say, the White Walkers have been taking a VERY roundabout route to the Wall.
00.43: Apropos of nothing, while we wait for tonight’s episode here’s a look at what Game of Thrones would look like if it was made in the 90s.
In a sign of how close my finger is to the pulse, the video itself is now four years old. Oh well.
00.40: Well, halfway through the episode anyway. It’s funny, normally we’d be a whole week away from that in episode 5 – but it doesn’t feel rushed this year. If anything, I’m wondering how little normally happens in a Game of Thrones episode if all the series lasted so much longer than this action-packed year…
00:39: Fun fact, by the way – because of this shorter seven-episode season, tonight’s Thrones will mark the halfway point of the series. Doesn’t time fly?
00.38: Big question for tonight’s episode: is something going to happen to Jaime Lannister?
You see, earlier tonight actor Nikolaj Coster-Waldau posted this:
So now I’m wondering – could tonight’s rumoured big battle scene see the end of Jaime? Another classic Game of Thrones shock death, just as we’d gotten used to him being a tempering influence on Cersei? Cer-ly not…
Stranger things have happened, of course (in Game of Thrones terms, “The Stranger” is also a creepy murder-y member of the Seven, so that saying holds truer than ever) – but we’ll keep our golden fingers crossed that Jaime makes it out of this one intact.
00.34: So can tonight’s episode hold a tallow candle to last week? Well, even before the leaks there were rumours that this week’s edition was going to be a corker, so I’d say it’s looking good.
00.33: Seriously though, that TITLE BOUT (see what I did there) really was worth the build-up; I had low expectations but I thought they pulled it off.
But then there was so much else to enjoy in last week’s episode. They actually made the Sand Snakes watchable in Cersei’s revenge scene (also, Ellaria’s fate was so horrible it almost made me forget she killed an innocent kid a couple of years ago – what I’m calling the Jaime Lannister effect), the attack on Casterly Rock and Highgarden were brilliantly staged and Olenna Tyrell got to go out with one of the best death scene the series has had to offer.
00.23: Still, for the unspoiled (a cadet branch of The Unsullied) we’re hoping tonight’s episode will be full of surprises – but can it touch last week’s edition, which saw the meeting of all meetings? The greatest clash between a sulky man and his aunt that the world has ever seen? The conversation – nay – the coming together of Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen?
In case you forgot, here’s how that encounter started…
00.17: But enough of such tomfoolery – and let’s talk about leaks.
It’s safe to say that this has been a tough week or so for HBO. First off Game of Thrones creators David Benioff and DB Weiss’ big new show idea, Confederate, was roundly criticised online (it’s about a world where slavery in America was never outlawed and thus, a rather touchy topic), then HBO was struck by a hack that released some episodes of various shows they produce and even seemed to reveal a script summary for this week’s Thrones.
And then things got much, much worse – because late in the week, tonight’s episode The Spoils of War was also leaked. It wasn’t from the same source as the earlier hack (apparently HBO’s distribution partner Star India was the subject of a security breach), but it means a select few fans managed to see tonight’s adventure a full two days before they were supposed to (and before HBO managed to take most of the copies off the internet).
It’s a bit of a mess, really – though it seems oddly appropriate that an episode with “Spoils” in the title ended up being a spoiler itself to many who stumbled on information online early. Maybe they tempted fate by giving it that name – or at least angered the Many-Faced God…
00.08: Joining me on tonight’s blog, we have a very special guest mascot – Lego Jon Snow!
I hear you asking yourself – but Huw? There’s official Game of Thrones Lego? I can build my very own Winterfell, Casterley Rock and even The Wall with my own two hands? I can reimagine a world where Ned Stark kept his plastic head, the Red Wedding was left unbuilt and the Night’s King was left in the original packaging?
But alas, this is not the case – despite its HIGHLY PROFESSIONAL APPEARANCE, this Jon Snow figurine is one that I painstakingly made at a Lego store in East London, elbowing the frightened children out of my way as I frantically pawed through the various plastic troughs looking for the closest thing to Kit Harington Danish craftsmanship has to offer. Such is the commitment I give to you, my readers.
Also, I wanted a Lego Jon Snow.
00.01: Greetings, weary travellers! Rest your feet, grab a flagon of Dornish red, tuck into a Hot Pie special and get ready for another adventure in the wilds of Westeros – aka, another session with our late-night live blog.
And after an absolutely cracking instalment last week, we’re headed into tonight’s Game of Thrones with even higher hopes. Rumour has it that this is another MASSIVE episode, and after the success of The Queen’s Justice last weekend it’s safe to says fans are practically salivating at what could be in store. Personally, my mouth’s never been wetter.
(OK, that sounded better in my head).
So, all good news for Thrones creators HBO this week, right? Well, not exactly – because after a week of hacks, leaks and controversy, it’s safe to say The Spoils of War comes in under a bit of a cloud. But more on that later.