Ladies and gentlemen, a vitally important contest has just begun. It goes right to the heart of the national psyche and calls into question the very definition of British values. It’s so controversial that you can expect civil war to break out by tea time.
Yes – it’s time for the World Cup of Biscuits.
Richard Osman has been hyping his Red Nose Day event for days (and presumably consuming vast quantities of digestives and bourbons and custard creams as research).
NEWS! Next Weds I'm launching 'World Cup Of Biscuits'. 32 brave biscuits, 1 winner. The final stages will be LIVE on Comic Relief on Friday!
The launch was pushed back after the Westminster terror attack, but the Pointless host gave the go-ahead on Thursday after deciding it “will be nice to argue about something silly for a bit”.
With the rallying cry of “good luck to all competing biscuits”, he revealed which 32 biscuits had made the cut and – crumbs! – it’s going to be a tough competition.
Custard creams are up against the mighty choco Liebniz, fig rolls are going head-to-head with chocolate digestives, and in one particularly competitive group category we’ll have to choose between wagon wheels, ginger nuts, chocolate chip cookies and hobnobs.
But the question on everyone’s lips since the World Cup of Biscuits was announced has been: would Jaffa cakes qualify? The controversial orange-and-chocolate sponge-and-jelly snacks have long been at the centre of a row about whether Jaffa Cakes are cakes or biscuits. Osman kept us guessing.
My ruling on whether the Jaffa Cake is a cake or a biscuit will also be revealed on Wednesday #wcob
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