Jimmy Bullard is heading home from the jungle after losing the first vote of the series.
Speaking after the result was announced, the ex-Whigan and Fulham footballer told Dec/Ant: “I loved it, I really did. I’m a little bit gutted. But I’m struggling with the hunger. Even though I enjoyed it massively, there were some dark times. ‘Cor I’ve come out different.”
Jimmy’s departure breaks apart the touching bromance he shared with superbike champ Carl “Foggy” Fogarty. Speaking about the bantering good time he had in camp, the midfield joker said: “I want to stay friends with all of them…unless they delete my number.”
Nerves were fraying before the Busktucker Trial, with the campmates very aware this was the last time all ten would be together. The Galah’s won immunity last night, meaning it was the Wombats who risked the first viewer vote. Kendra was sympathetic, noting that “it must suck to be a Wombat. I mean daymn that sucks” This is true both on IACGMOOH and in the animal kingdom. A wombat’s primary defence is their toughened backside, designed to withstand bites from pursuing predators. Their special skill is getting bit on the bum. That really does suck.
Speaking of choking on buttocks, Jimmy, Foggy, Mel and Tinchy were sent to face the Vile Vineyard: a version of spin the bottle where instead of kissing they had to down disgusting pun-based drinks. These included sand-gria (blended beach worms), white zinfan-hell (blended camel testicles), poo-secco (blended pig anus) and jaeger vom’ (blended bull penis with blended bull testicles). They drank all ten cocktails (never was the name more accurate) meaning ten meals for the camp.
Incidentally, after the series is over, what happens to the production team’s blenders? Do they sell them on eBay? Donate them to schools?
After that, a reflective mood settled over the jungle. Edwina climbed up into the canopy, looked down on her campmates (literally and figuratively) and started talking to herself like she was Lady Macbeth reciting a soliloquy. “Trees, breeze, birds, my body says to rest…I find Kendra so bloody irritating.”
Later, respected journalist Michael Buerk dressed up as a parrot. Later still, he performed the sort of groan-inducing rap that usually teaches children how to cross the street. Pacing the gangways beforehand, mouthing the lyrics to himself, you could almost hear 8 Mile playing in his head. At one point, he rapped “we’d kill for a curry, but we don’t mean Edwina.” You say that now Michael, but Macbeth killed the king for her. Give her time.
But in the end it was Jimmy that attracted the fewest votes, not that this seemed to dent his good mood. Asked why he felt so comfortable in the jungle, he said “I’ve always been around fellas haven’t I? The camp is as close as I’ve been to a changing room since I left football.”