Inside Tom Read Wilson's Grand Tour as Celebs Go Dating star continues his magnificent journey
From learning how to kiss the hand of a countess, to taking a dip in a chilly Alpine lake.
Byron, Wilde, Casanova and now Tom Read Wilson. The Grand Tour was the “gap year” of the 17th to 19th centuries; a chance for young aristocrats to complete their cultural and social education in the great capitals of Europe.
In his travelogue, which airs on 5, Read Wilson (Celebs Go Dating’s witty receptionist and runner-up in this year’s I’m a Celebrity) traces their tracks – and gets into a few of their scrapes.
PARIS Kissing lessons from a countess
“Picking up some continental etiquette was an important part of the Grand Tour, and I’m hopeless with that stuff, so I got lessons from an actual countess. She was a descendant of one of Marie Antoinette’s courtiers and had this gorgeous cuckoo clock of an apartment in the heart of Paris that smelled of tuberose, like a magical bubble. She taught me how to kiss her hand properly, then how to eat mille-feuille. I was totally inept: I think I must have been a chicken in a former life, because my elbows kept popping up and she didn’t approve. Even harder, she insisted I eat this exquisite pastry without making the sort of joyous, gustatory ‘Mmmm!’ that came naturally.”
LAKE ANNECY Alps the easy way
“In the 18th century, there were only two ways to navigate the Alps – go round them on a boat or over them by foot. Young aristocratic gentlemen, of course, wanted to make the minimum effort, so they had themselves carried over the mountains in sedan chairs. Naturally, I got four strapping hunkatrons to carry me, too. I was in awe at their triceps and all the vascularity of their arms. They were straining every sinew – even though I’d skipped breakfast to be as light as possible – so I kept saying, ‘Don’t be a hero, put me down!’ But they wouldn’t.
“It was an extraordinary feat because it was so precipitous, but my personal achievement was taking a dip in Lake Annecy, because it was only 9°C. I swam out to a buoy – yes, that’s b-u-o-y – and it was quite a long stretch, but the TV director wanted me to do it again for the camera, and then again because they’d just found a beautiful spot on the pier. So I did it three times, then went to the loo and thought, ‘I’m going to inspect myself, because it feels very curious downstairs.’ And it was like a used teabag! There was nothing there, and it didn’t come back for a whole day…”
VENICE Costumes and courtesans
“My hotel in Venice was where many of those original old Grand Tourists stayed, and it was right next to the city’s main courtesan hotspot. In those days the sex workers were trained to be wonderful companions at the opera or art gallery, hugely knowledgeable about music and painting, so all those tussles under the eiderdown were considered quite educational. I was rather crestfallen I didn’t have time for any of that myself – hard when you’re in the most romantic setting in the world.
“I did get to visit a costumier, though, who provides outfits not only for Venice’s famous Carnival, but for the opera houses, too. There was damask, brocade, the most incredible fabrics and colours and silks. And the tailors were amazing: just from clocking me, they knew my exact measurements – right down to the teabag!”
ROME High-pressure serenading
“One of my favourite experiences of the trip was in Rome. The tradition in the 18th century was for serenades, with people looking down from balconies, bewitched by their paramour who would be brandishing a guitar – and it still goes on. So I met these enchanting serenaders, and an hour later we were up at the Belvedere, singing together – in Italian – and I was as fretful as a porcupine because I hadn’t sung for a very long time. I was acutely aware that it could go wrong and I would make this romantic scene very, very unromantic and end up getting chased away by a disgruntled lover. Honestly, I was terrified.”
FLORENCE Re-creating Eddie Redmayne’s bust
“Seeing Botticelli’s Birth of Venus in the Uffizi Gallery was wonderful. From looking at prints of the painting, I’d never appreciated the gold in her hair; the magical fog around it; the foam on the waves to represent the myth that [Venus’s Greek counterpart] Aphrodite was born after Uranus was castrated and his bits were thrown into the sea, fizzing and foaming to create the goddess.
“Then I met a sculptor whose family have been sculptors in Florence for 200 years. He actually had a commission from Eddie Redmayne, and I have a stonking crush on Eddie Redmayne, so I tried very hard to copy the bust he was making, but mine was appalling. Did I bring my Eddie home with me? No, the best thing for that was for the clay to be recycled – because it was certainly not a work of art.”
Tom Read Wilson's Magnificent Journey continues Fridays at 8pm on 5.
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