When Vicky Pattison, George Shelley and Ferne McCann discovered their fellow campers had left the three of them all alone in the final, they were really sad.
As the trio ran around in gleeful circles, dodging emus and hugging each other, they screamed, stamped and then did a silent dance to whatever power ballad was playing in their minds.
But as we’ve heard the celebrities say many times in varied clichéd ways, the jungle, like life, has its highs and lows. Its ups and downs. Its good and bad moments. Its swings and roundabouts.
They couldn’t have been more right. Because one minute Ferne was skipping around the campfire with BFF Vicky and love interest/ pet George and then next she was ramming a bull’s penis down her throat.
In her final Bush Tucker trial of the series, the TOWIE star was offered a hot, cheesy pizza…or a witchetty grub. Then pie and mash…or a lamb’s brain. And then, because the show is really keen on giving the celebs an authentic jungle experience, Ferne was presented with a bull’s penis.
“I’m never gonna get a date again, you know that” she said, as the camera zoomed in close on her gagging on chunks of animal organs. Ant and Dec didn’t disagree.
But that bull penis may as well have been cheesy pizza compared to the enormous, live, spider she was given to chomp on next. Whether it was worse for the spider or for Ferne, we’ll never know. But it was certainly enough to put the nation off its dinner.
Ferne eating that live water spider is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen, she needs to win
And if the viewers felt queasy, think how Ferne must have felt. “I feel sick as a pig,” she said swallowing the last morsels of gunky spider torso.
As sick as a pig’s penis, we think you mean.
But by I’m a Celeb standards (definitely not by real-world standards) it was good that Ferne ate that live spider, lamb brain and bull’s penis because she was able to choose anything at all to have for her last dinner in the jungle.
She and Vicky, drooling at the thought of their dream food, asked for an entire crispy peking duck with pancakes and hoisin sauce. George, on the other hand, was desperate for…moussaka.
“I’d like a nice bottle of red wine that goes with lamb,” he added.
No wonder Lady C called him a “a capital chap.”
Vicky just said she wanted any white wine at all, as long as there was lots of it.
“I haven’t always done the right stuff,” she said tearfully as she reflected on her time in the jungle. “I’ve done some stupid stuff, and by keeping us [me] in here, people are telling us [me] we’re ok”.
“I want to make my family proud”.
Oh. If we’d known that this is the sort of thing that makes parents happy…
But it was nice to see Vicky leap into the victor’s throne and receive her crown from last year’s winner Carl Fogarty. She looked so thrilled, excited and jittery — with a stomach literally full of butterflies.