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Ghosthunting with...the Dingles

Women looking for ghosts
  • Posted at 11:06am
  • 20 September 2007
  • by RhodriMarsden-RT
  • 1 comment

After a similar recent excursion with Girls Aloud, it was time for ex-Blue Peter presenter Yvette Fielding to take some nervous actors from Emmerdale around three old buildings in the north of England, turn the lights off and wait for a gust of wind or a buzzing insect to make them squeal like pigs. Before I started watching this, I was certain that ghosts were a figment of an overactive imagination. Now it's over, I'll go further: the paranormal is something that's drawn on the back of a fag packet by bored television producers.

The first location was a 15th-century building in York that used to be a bookshop, but is now a psychic museum with the preposterous name of Otherworld. "Morning! Parcel for Otherworld," says the local postman, presumably. The voiceover, however, promised "terror ripping through Otherworld" – and, if you define terror as someone shining a torch in their own face while calling out "hello?", then it delivered 100 per cent.

Most of the programme consisted of one or more of the group asking in a humourless voice for a ghost to somehow prove its presence. If my own soul had successfully managed to straddle the real world and the hereafter, I'd probably find a better way of communicating than banging on a bit of wood, but still… "If you are here," beseeched the celebs, "please knock twice for yes, and once for no."

It was never fully explained how one knock should be interpreted. Clonk. "Oh! So... you're not here?" Clonk. "Sorry, can I check that again – if there is anyone here, please knock twice for yes, and once for no." Clonk. "No-one?" Clonk. Sadly, 15th century ghosts have an underdeveloped sense of humour, and they either "knocked" twice, or just didn't bother – I mean, who could blame them?

"There's clearly a woman here who is happy to talk to us," said Yvette in a serious voice after a load of random clonking. "I sense something in this room," she continued, nodding sagely. Me too, Yvette. Actors and a camera crew.

Then it was on to the seance room, which was supposed to contain – get this – the spirit of a dark, oppressive squire. Not the good humour of a jolly fishmonger, the wit of a friendly doctor, or the indifference of a satisfied carpenter. Nope, it would either be an oppressive squire, or a murderous frequenter of prostitutes, or a depressed wet nurse. Where do all the good-time ghosts go?

For all their claims that a chair moved a bit, or that rooms were suffused with a strange chill, this was basically two hours of watching celebrities being afraid of the dark. Which is fine – it's a primordial fear which we all have to a certain extent. But who'd tune in to a programme called "Scared of the Dark with McFly"?

Anyway, after about 90 minutes of wailing and anguish – and that was just me – Yvette resorted to banging on bits of wood herself, just to terrify her companions. "I mean no harm," shouted the bloke who plays Eli Dingle to some unseen phantom. "I just want to know if there's life after death." Unsurprisingly, a low-budget show on ITV2 about spooky ghosties has been unable to deliver an answer to that question.

You can watch Ghosthunting with…the Dingles again on Friday 28 September at 11:30pm on ITV2 (Sky 118, Virgin 114/113, Freeview 6).

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  • Posted on 20 September 2007
  • at 9:32pm
  • by robsoft

If, by 'Scared of the Dark with McFly' you mean some kind of self-help guide for people who'd rather not be left alone in sub-optimal lighting conditions with the cheery young men from a particular popular teen beat combo, then count me in.

That's exactly the kind of programme I've been scouring the schedules for.

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