This week The Great British Bake Off tent has played host to a batch of celebrities raising money for Sport Relief.
From DJ Johnny Vaughan to Olympic gold medalist Greg Rutherford, they’ve all been trying their hands at a bit of baking – with, shall we say, mixed results.
Burnt carpets, rogue food dye and biscuits even Sue Perkins “couldn’t swallow” perhaps demonstrate why the non-celebrity version of Bake Off has such a rigorous application form…
The Great British Grill Off
DJ Johnny Vaughan missed a vital clue in the title of The Great Sport Relief Bake Off… the baking bit.
For the entire first day, Vaughan was inadvertently grilling everything, producing biscuits so bad even host Sue Perkins wouldn’t eat them.
Johnny turned it around on day two with a cake even Paul Hollywood deemed “a fantastic sponge”. But Mary Berry wasn’t letting him off that easy, quipping, “I’m glad you found the oven.”
Burn, baby, burn
Broadcaster Emma Freud left the tent with her Star Baker apron tied proudly around her waist on the third night of the show, but while she may not have burnt her cakes, the same can’t be said for the poor Bake Off tent…
There it was, minding it’s own tenting business when Emma decided the best place to put a pan she’d been merrily heating on the hob was on the carpet. “I put it near the fire extinguisher”, she whimpered hopefully as a perfectly round circle of carpet lifted away from the tent floor…
Dancing on thin ice
Ah, sweet revenge. Dancing On Ice judge Jason Gardiner is usually busy dishing out criticism, but found his match in Bake Off’s Paul Hollywood. Gardiner even tried to dance his way out of a poor bake. But it was his efforts at a ginger and lemongrass biscuit dipped in chocolate that saw him crumble. “It’s a bit like sawdust,” Paul surmised.
Jason himself was forced to down a bottle of water after trying one. Rarely a good sign.
Singer Michael Ball tried his hardest to impress the judges last night. He even went as far as to ice ‘I love Mary’ onto a plate. But there was no disguising his sneaky snacking in the kitchen. “Have you seen your mouth?!” gasped Mary, as he revealed his bright blue teeth and tongue.
Luckily a fair bit of dye ended up in Michael’s cake too, and he impressed the pair with his “fun” tribute to wrestler Big Daddy.
Banoffee pie was the challenge, Olympic gold medal long-jumper Greg Rutherford was the baker. He was almost there. It looked like a Banoffee pie. Until liquid started pouring out from the sides. All over the table. In front of Paul and Mary. Eek.
“I think we need wellingtons to do this job,” said Mary.
Quick, get the next batch of actual bakers in sharpish!