Ed Balls on his Strictly chances: "I know that no one is expecting much from me"
The new RT columnist, eager Strictly contestant and former Shadow Chancellor talks about his dad dancing
Gordon Brown, when he was Chancellor of the Exchequer, used to tell a joke about a finance minister addressing a Cabinet meeting in the middle of a full-blown economic crisis. “Colleagues,” the stressed politician said, “we have come to the edge of the abyss and it’s time for a bold step forward.”
As I stood with my nervous fellow contestants at the Strictly launch show, hidden by a giant red rocket from the red carpet, screaming crowd and massed cameras on the other side, I certainly felt I was teetering on the edge of an abyss.
Then the rocket shot up, smoke billowed out, the cameras flashed wildly and we were all off – over the edge – a bold step forward into the full-on Strictly experience.
I’ve never felt further outside my comfort zone as I have done in these past few weeks. Speaking in Parliament or at party conferences as shadow Chancellor was always a bit nerve-racking, but I have been writing, speaking or debating about economic policy for 35 years.
Now I’m having to get used to performing a choreographed jive, or wearing a shirt with the boxer shorts sewn in so it feels like pulling on a romper suit. How on earth did I end up doing this? Well, I said yes to Strictly because I wanted to learn to dance and get fit, and everyone said it was great fun. But goodness it’s tough.
My dance professional, Katya Jones, is hugely talented and a lovely, fun person, but last week, working on one particular sequence, she told me we could only move on once I had done it properly five times. Half an hour and 38 attempts later, she finally said, “Right, that’s five, well done.” I collapsed in a heap.
I knew it would be physically tiring, but it’s the mental tiredness that overwhelms me. Trying to remember all the different aspects of the dance – steps, rhythm, posture, mood, all at the same time – is totally draining.
I know that no one is really expecting much from me, certainly after my debut dance, which was even more dad-like than I was expecting. But I’m not in this for the laughs. I’m determined to work hard, do my best and try to improve.
If there’s even one or two moves I can pull off and look like a proper dancer for a few moments, it will all be worth it, and I’ll have Katya to thank.
With the first live show approaching, I’m once more teetering on the edge. But I know there’s nothing to be done except take a bold step forward. I can’t wait to get going.
Wish me luck! – I’m going to need it!
Strictly Come Dancing continues tonight, BBC1, 9pm
