The UK will never win Eurovision until we stop treating this magical event with contempt

Remember Monday’s song What the Hell Just Happened? is a Queen-influenced glam-rock operetta that showcases the musical trio’s vocal harmonies. It has amassed more than a million streams since its release last month, and the country-pop girl band have been peddling their wares away from home in countries whose votes will matter come Saturday evening in Basel. So it’s all looking good going in, but…

Every year since 2011 I’ve hosted a Eurovision party, complete with a prize for the most accurate forecaster in the room and, every year, the same person has won. Sadly, the Royaume Uni has been nearly as consistent and not in a good way. In that time, the UK has only once made it to the top half of the results board. Worse, seven of the last 12 years have seen us in the bottom three, with two of those, well, to quote Mike Moran and Lynsey de Paul (UK, 1977, 2nd): "Where are we? Rock bottom."

The noble exception was Sam Ryder who stormed to second place three years ago with Space Man and would surely have triumphed but for collective goodwill for Ukraine.

With a big song and bigger smile, Sam proved what’s possible when the UK stops hiding behind a layer of self-protective disdain and embraces the spirit of the Contest.

For the artist, it’s more than a noble cause. Prior to Sam, the last UK act to earn a decent score was boy band Blue in 2011. They came 11th, but that’s only half the story. Seven years after their last hit, the group enjoyed a new lease of life performing across eastern Europe. Previous British stars from Matt Monro to Olivia Newton-John saw no dip in their fortunes, while Abba and Celine Dion proved the power of the Contest stepping stone. But even so, why should success matter to us all?

For nearly 70 years, this tiny island has enjoyed a reputation for punching well above its weight in terms of popular music. For the first 40 of those, this carried over into Eurovision glory, until something shifted at the turn of the century.

We’ll never know if 2003’s Jemini scored nul points due to the UK’s role in the invasion of Iraq or because the duo sang in different keys, but that wooden spoon heralded a disastrous decline: geopolitical shifts in Europe creating voting blocs the UK would never be part of, defeatism by BBC executives over our choice of entry, and a too-cool-for-school attitude maintained by us viewers.

Since its inception in 1956, the Contest has always been kitsch, but we began to treat this magical event with our centuries-old British scorn, we lost sight of its potential and scale, and now it’s an immense, still beautiful thing and we’ve been left behind. (Don’t be fooled by our position in the Contest’s "Big Five" countries with automatic Grand Final entry – with our recent roll-call, that’s just awkward.)

What can we do? Do as the Swedes do, engaging with Melodifestivalen – a nationwide song competition that has garnered at least six Eurovision winners and 26 top fives. Emulate the interest of Icelanders, 98 per cent of whom tuned in for the 2023 final. And lean into our big hitters once again, whether that be younger talent from Dua Lipa to Ed Sheeran, or a fitting swansong from the likes of Elton John or The Rolling Stones. Otherwise, never mind that British irony we still hold so dear, I fear the joke will forever be on us.

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The Eurovision Song Contest 2025 final will take place on Saturday 17th May 2025.

You can also check out the full list of Eurovision winners and how many times the UK has won Eurovision.

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