David Walliams has considered writing a children’s book about fellow Britain’s Got Talent judge Simon Cowell because he’d make a “great villain”.
“He is actually pure evil”, Walliams joked at today’s Radio Times Festival, when asked by a young member of the audience if he was planning to write about their “bromance”. Walliams explained that his story would portray Cowell as a record executive with a mechanical heart. He wouldn’t be able to have any feelings and so he’s cruel to people.
Of course, his friend Sinitta would be part of the story, too: as a robot henchwoman who could fire lazers out of her hands. “While wearing a leaf bikini…” Walliams teased, referring to that outfit she wore on X Factor.
“I was a bit worried it would be the obvious choice for me to write about him,” the author admitted, who read several extras from his latest release Grandpa’s Great Escape to rapturous applause. “But maybe one day”.
With so many of Walliams’s stories making their way to the screen and the stage – an adaptation of Billionaire Boy is coming to the BBC this Christmas – the question was of course: Who would play Cowell on screen?
“He would probably say Brad Pitt [should play him],” Walliams laughed. “But we’ve got Dale Winton lined-up.”