Coronation Street

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That kidney infection didn’t hold Tracy back for long – a mere fortnight on from her stay in hospital and she’s getting intense sexual healing from Ryan. Michelle, for one, isn’t best pleased with this course of treatment. Karl is also looking discomfited, due to Stella’s mum, Gloria, being in town demanding to know why he’s shacked up with Sunita. In retrospect, the decision is proving a bit of a head scratcher for him too.

EastEnders

Surely Jay has earned himself some forgiveness? Yet after spending the past few weeks weeping into the sleeves of his hoodie, he once again faces the wrath of a blotto Shirley, who pins him to the wall and tells him he ought to hang. No such recriminations for Kat, who continues her affair undetected despite an encroaching sense of guilt. But will matters come to a head when Alfie finds the bandage daubed with the “I love you” message from her mystery man?

Emmerdale

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If Kerry was having any trouble understanding how her daughter Amy felt about her, then this week’s events should make things clearer. First, Amy bolts to London in a bid to escape her clutches, and then Val (with typical bluntness) delivers her own verdict: “She hates your guts, you thick tart.” Charming. Luckily, Andy Sugden proves far more receptive to Kerry’s charms and is soon offering her space in his bed. You have to wonder if he knows what he’s letting himself in for.

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