The new Sharknado is going to be the greatest movie you’ve ever seen. The best. Nobody will make a better film than this, believe us. It’ll be tremendous, folks. Why? Because makers SyFy and The Asylum have christened it Sharknado 5: Global Swarming. Tagline: “Make America Bait Again.”
Yes, the Trump-inspired title may remind you of The Donald’s announcement that the US is withdrawing from the 2015 Paris climate agreement and with that name and slogan it’s likely the Great White Tornado will lampoon the US President’s environmental policy – presuming the film's plot is in any way coherent.
Don’t worry if you haven’t seen the previous Sharknado instalments (Sharknado, Sharknado 2: The Second One, Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! and Sharknado 4: The 4th Awakens) though. They won’t make this synopsis any clearer:
“In Sharknado 5: Global Swarming, the mission gets personal for Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) and his bionic wife, April (Tara Reid) when their young son gets trapped in a traveling ‘nado and transported all over the world.
“From London to Rio, Tokyo, Rome, Amsterdam and beyond, our globetrotting heroes will seek assistance from a highly-skilled squad of royals, scholars and Olympians, enlisting famous faces from news, entertainment, and sports in their most epic battle yet.”
Sense: it makes none. The outline does, however, make an enjoyable read, especially the mention of London, a location where Olympic diver Tom Daley will be facing the brunt of the finternational waters (seriously, he's actually got a cameo).
Other famous faces – the ones that Brits might recognise, anyway – include pro skateboarder Tony Hawk as a masterful weapons operative strategist, Olivia Newton-John as a scientist, and model Fabio as the Pope. Plus, Spanish-American actress Charo of Fantasy Island fame will be starring as the Queen.
We can only hope that Mr Trump himself will appear in some form, perhaps draining a shark-filled swamp or calming the storm with covfefe. We've got our fingers and fins crossed.
Sharknado 5: Global Swarming will debut on Syfy on 6th August in the US. A UK air time has not yet been confirmed