None of us actually need to watch daytime television. All we need to do is look at the screen with the sound off every thirty minutes and stare at the WTF discussion caption that comes up on the screen. In fact, you don’t even need to turn the television on. Chances are, someone has already taken an image of it and shoved it on Twitter.


But what is the weirdest caption daytime television has ever had?

I’ve dipped through the archives to find some favourites along with the show they came from (thank you to the excellent Twitter account @daytimesnaps for being a good starting point). What this investigation has created is a wonderful and slightly unhinged stream of consciousness.

And before you ask. Yes, all of these discussions are completely 100% real.

“Is calpol like ‘heroin’ to children?” (This Morning)

“Does your doorbell scare you?” (Loose Women)

“Should Love Island be screened in schools?” (Loose Women)

“Should Prince William be allowed to go bald?” (This Morning)

“Do ghosts exist?” (Loose Women)

“Is my dog gay?” (This Morning)

“Do animals have souls?” (Loose Women)

“Should firefighters stop rescuing people’s pets?” (Jeremy Vine)

“Would you clone your pet?” (Loose Women)

"Have you ever been visited by the ghost of a former pet?" (Loose Women)

“Should a sandwich be politically correct?” (This Morning)

“How many sprouts should you have?” (Loose Women)

“Are hot cross buns evil?” (The Wright Stuff)

“Is communism evil?” (Jeremy Vine)

“Should tickling children be made illegal?” (This Morning)

"Would you choose the porn your kids watch?" (Loose Women)

“Are you addicted to kitchen porn?” (Loose Women)

“What is your favourite crisp?” (This Morning)

“Would you let your three-year-old try wine?” (Loose Women)

“The big loo roll debate: over or under?” (This Morning)

“Are pets better than people?” (Good Morning Britain)

“Are dogs better than men?” (Loose Women)

“Do you need an emotional peacock?” (Loose Women)

“Which is harder - a new born baby or a puppy?” (Loose Women)

“Would you try alpaca yoga?” (This Morning)

“Should bird feeders be banned?” (Good Morning Britain)

“Should fairytales be banned?” (Loose Women)

“Should manspreading be banned?” (Loose Women)

“Should advent calendars be banned?” (Good Morning Britain)

“Should winning on schools sports day be banned?” (Loose Women)

“Should the Olympics be banned?” (Good Morning Britain)

“Should pole dancing be an Olympic sport?” (Loose Women)

“Is it time to ban cats?” (This Morning)

“Should your kids raise pigs for slaughter?” (Loose Women)

“Would you dig up your dead pet?” (Loose Women)

“Are you a fan of masterbreaking?” (Loose Women)

Would you give birth in your garden?” (Loose Women)

“Should we all have a ‘naked day’?” (Loose Women)

“Would you cling film your Christmas tree?” (Loose Women)

“Would you mind living near swingers?” (Loose Women)

“Were the moon landings faked?” (Loose Women)

“How’s your vagina today?” (This Morning)

"Would any of the Loose Women try a vaginal glitter bomb?” (Loose Women)

“What’s in your dishwasher?” (This Morning)

“Is four dishwashers the secret to a happy relationship?” (Loose Women)

"Is it acceptable to put a toilet brush in a dishwasher?" (Loose Women)

“Is your dishwasher ruining your relationship?” (Loose Women)

“Do you have an apocalypse plan?” (Loose Women)

“Are you worried about Russia?” (Loose Women)

“Are you a homing pigeon?” (Loose Women)

“Are you blinking enough?” (Loose Women)

“Would you share your partner with a robot?” (Loose Women)

“Do you let your dog kiss you on the lips?” (Loose Women)

“Would you try a urine facial?” (Loose Women)

“Would you try urine therapy?” (Loose Women)

“Is an orgasm a day really achievable?” (Loose Women)

“Is eating together as good as sex?” (Loose Women)

“Sex in public: Silly or serious?” (Loose Women)

“Strippers at funerals: Refreshing or repulsive?” (Loose Women)

“Do you eat alone?” (Loose Women)

“Should GPs be able to prescribe sex?” (Loose Women)

“Does sex bring you closer to God?” (Loose Women)

“Does using a sex robot count as cheating?” (Loose Women)

“Would you rather your man cheat with a robot or another women?” (Loose Women)

“Is marrying yourself sad or sweet?” (Loose Women)

“Is visiting a sex robot brothel cheating?” (Loose Women)

And finally…

“Mr Blobby on Brexit” (Loose Women)

A rigorous scientific analysis and comparison of the various daytime TV shows leads us to one inescapable conclusion: Loose Women is literally Hell and I never want to watch it again.


I leave you with the most WTF discussion of them all.