Last night’s Celebrity MasterChef will go down as one of the most disatrous-strewn episodes in living memory, thanks to the valiant efforts of former Boyzone star Shane Lynch, ex-Corrie actor Brian Capron, comedienne Shappi Khorsandi and presenter Miranda Krestovnikoff.
Here’s their ten-step recipe for kitchen carnage…
1. Shappi serves up goat curry with “placenta”. “Just so you know, Shappi, this stuff is not called placenta, it’s called polenta,” reveals John. Looks more like placenta to us.
2. Shappi presents her salad dressing (made of “stuff”) by throwing it at her plate of food while it’s still in the pot.
3. Brian smashes a plate after getting overzealous with the rolling pin.
4. Brian covers his face in flour, like a four-year-old let loose in the kitchen.
5. Brian gets told off for making such a mess. “Stop right now, do not work in this rubbish,” yells Gregg.
6. Shappi flings cream into her custard thinking it’s milk. “Ah well, let’s put some milk in too, it doesn’t matter,” says her teammate Brian.
7. Turns out it does matter. “What the hell is this?!” asks the chef in charge. “There’s enough custard powder in here for two hundred people!”
8. “Never before has this man looked so shocked in his whole life,” John dramatically summarises, as the chef calls for reinforcements. “How do you mess up packet custard? How?” yells Gregg.
9. Shane and Miranda serve their vegetarian option – ‘stuffed peppers’. It’s “just a lump of cous cous,” Gregg confirms.
10. Even pudding can’t cheer Gregg up. “That’s a write off,” he says of Shappi and Brian’s apple crumble, complete with dodgy packet custard.
Celebrity MasterChef continues tonight at 8:pm on BBC1