Alexander O’Neal’s Celebrity Big Brother diary

We imagine what the US soul singer might have made of the bewildering CBB launch...

Alexander O’Neal was among the celebrities heading into the Big Brother house for the new series last night. The US soul legend seemed understandably bewildered as he went through the unique experience that is the CBB launch and found himself mingling with a bunch of weird British people, and quite a few weird American people.

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Here’s how we imagine he may have found the evening…

Wednesday 7th January

AM: Flying over for a gig in London. Looking forward to meeting my British fans and having a great night.

PM: Weird crowd tonight. A lot more guys than usual and it turned out they didn’t want me to sing, it was just a personal appearance. Seems a long way to travel for just five minutes work but, hey, I guess the Brits aren’t ready to spend a whole night with Alex…

Later: There was a drinks reception after the gig so I thought I better show my face. As I walked down the stairs to the party I was met by some kind of elf man who was serving champagne. To begin with I thought it was all part of this ‘fairytale’ theme the club was pushing and that he was a waiter, but then I realised he was drinking with us and welcoming each new guest as they arrived, so I guess he must have been the host….

Britain is not as strait-laced as I thought! They had escorts working the room… I stayed away from them of course – I’m not a religious man but I always try to be the best Alex that I can be…

They gave me an award for being the most exciting guest of the night or something. Which was sweet. I guess a US soul legend is kind of a big deal for them.

At the end of the night a woman with mad eyes came into the club. She gave me a hug to say hello (the ladies love to get ahold of Alex, right?) but as she whispered something in my ear, a cold wind suddenly blew up around me and I had to turn up my collar. Man, it was spooky. I wonder what time my car is coming to pick me up…

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Celebrity Big Brother continues on Channel 5 tonight at 9pm