Step 1: Invite everyone by text. Obviously.


Step 2: Ask guests to bring a drink – preferably milk for a civilised cup of tea.

Step 3: Add Moriarty’s Staying Alive ringtone to the playlist. The irony will be enjoyed.

Step 4: But don’t forget a bit of violin music is always a hit.

Step 5: Ask guests to bring their own refreshments.

Step 6: And possibly check for blood on the carpet and holes in the wall.

Step 7: People love Quavers, right? Don't forget to put out a couple of bowls.

Step 8: If conversation dries up, try pass the parcel...

Step 9: … but definitely don’t suggest a game of death frisbee with a deerstalker hat.

Step 10: Try and get dressed before your guests arrive. Though if a bed sheet is good enough for Buckingham Palace…

Step 11: Maybe don’t let people smoke in the house. New Year's resolutions and all that, eh?

Step 12: People have a habit of coming back from the dead. Keep an eye out for unwanted guests.

Step 13: You may be the host but there's no need to hover on the sidelines. Branch out. Make some new friends. Yes, friends.

Step 14: Let’s be honest, someone will take it too far. Have a spare bed ready.


Step 15: Definitely have your New Year's Day viewing sorted for necessary post-party recovery.