Alexander Armstrong reveals his most memorable moments from his trip to India – including a "must-do" cremation

This article first appeared in Radio Times magazine.

There are, Alexander Armstrong reminds us in his Channel 5 travelogue, 1.4 billion people in India. And, he tells Radio Times, “I gave it a good shot at meeting them all.” Clearly, he’s a man who’s covered the ground. Here are his most memorable moments.

Must-see: Tigers

We saw all sorts of amazing creatures on this trip: elephants blocking our way on the roads, macaques who’ve learnt to steal mobile phones and only return them in exchange for a bag of crisps – and not any old packet, either; they want a proper grab bag. But the truly astonishing thing to glimpse is a tiger, which we saw at Bandipur reserve (bandipurtr.in). Their power, their muscles, their teeth, the way they pad… they’re beautiful but they’re also exciting. Even their “camouflage” is like flame: it’s like watching red-hot lava against the ice of Reykjavik. And these tigers aren’t cosseted. They’re finding their own food – and it’s not grab bags.

Must-do: Cremation

One of the experiences that will live with me for ever, scarred onto my retina, is going to the ghats [stepped embankments] in Delhi. I’m 55, and I’d never seen a dead body before – but then, on these steps beside the river, you can’t move for dead bodies, and they’re beautiful. They’re laid out in resplendent robes, with endless prayers and rituals enacted around them, then the pyre is built up, and liquids are poured on – some sacred, some that I think are actually an aid to burning, squeezed out of a tube like you’d get from the garage for your barbecue – and people stand around to watch.

We were very sweetly invited to film one by the second or third cousin of the deceased, but then one of the dead person’s sons turned round and said, “What the hell are you doing? Go away!” so we had to quickly reverse out of that.

Must-buy: Emeralds

There’s a place called the Gem Palace in Jaipur that’s a must-visit even if jewels aren’t a must-buy for you (gempalace.com). It was a total joy being there: there’s a great big pink room modelled on a jewellery box, and they bring parades of things that even at one-hundredth of the price would be beyond your dreams. I felt like Barbara Cartland. They’ve served the Queen, Princess Diana, the Clintons… and now Armstrong, as I bought a pair of emerald earrings for Mrs Armstrong.

One place I didn’t buy anything was this little village just outside Jaipur, where the leather workers are based. As well as all the traditional stuff, we found a man who makes stuff for the “kink” market: bondage gear, studded leather pants. Nearly every craftsman I met on the trip said, “Would you like to take some home for your children?” but in this case I said, “No, no, I think they’ll be fine, thanks.”

Must-avoid: Trapdoor spiders

I’ve learnt the hard way to tolerate spiders because, being a father, you can’t squeal and run away when a child says there’s one
in their room. So the trapdoor spiders we saw in Mumbai were fascinating – but also scary. We went out with a professor, in this millennia-old jungle that’s somehow only about 500 yards from a Bollywood movie sound stage, so you could hear people singing and dancing.

This expert could read the landscape of the forest to find exactly where the spiders would be. They construct this thing out of bits of leaf mould, and if you tamp with the end of a pencil, the trapdoor goes whoosh and out comes this spider’s finger. Or – oh! – maybe it wasn’t a finger but just a sliver of its fingernail, and much bigger than I thought. It would be typical of spiders to try to deceive me like that.

Must-eat: Vada pav

Vada pav is the most beloved street food of Mumbai, and there’s one place above all others to try it: Aram Vada Pav, across from the city’s Victoria Terminus railway station. You queue up, pay a few rupees, and this fantastically grumpy man passes you a deep-fried hollow potato dumpling that gets filled with a fiery green sauce with chopped vegetables and spices in it. It’s like a sea urchin made of pastry, or a savoury brandy snap, and you chuck the whole thing entirely into your mouth to avoid spilling it down yourself.

As long as you’re still standing there looking slightly hungry, the grumpy man will just keep passing them to you. Eventually, you’ll mess up and have this green mixture dribbling down your chin, but you won’t care because it’s so delicious.

The latest issue of Radio Times is out now – subscribe here.

Alexander Armstrong in India airs Thursdays at 8pm on 5.

Check out more of our Documentaries coverage or visit our TV Guide and Streaming Guide to find out what's on. For more TV recommendations and reviews, listen to The Radio Times Podcast.