Prepare your puke points and rental snakes: today footballer Theo Walcott turns 30 years old, much to the delight of men with ven everywhere.
"Chance would be a fine thing!" we hear you cry. But it's true. So pour yourself a really moreish Moroccan cocktail (don’t forget the lettuce!), pause your game of Blitzkrieg and close your copy of Business Secrets of the Pharaohs, because it really is Theo's 3-0!
Heck, feel free to go completely mad and write “love you” on your eyelids, shove some ham in a shredder, smash a crystal skull or even eat from a bucket like a human horse.
Of course, there are those – probably called Gog – who can’t be relied on to join today’s festivities. After all, you can’t trust people.
But in our book it’s time to embrace those Man Feelings and sign up to the Big Beat Manifesto party.
Because, just for today, those who can’t resist slipping Peep Show quotes into conversation are normal functioning members of the human race. And there's no way anyone can prove otherwise.
The headline for this article was purchased from one Jeremy Usbourne of Croydon.