Vanessa Feltz: 'My parents told me I was lacking in every way that matters'

My living room is lined with book-shelves from floor to ceiling with Penguin and Virago Classics and the books I read while studying English at Cambridge. There’s a battered sofa. I keep thinking of replacing it, but I can’t be bothered.

Did getting a first at Cambridge open any doors in broadcasting?

No one at work has ever asked me about my degree. I wrote two articles that provoked attention. I appeared once on TV and once on the radio and made waves. One story was about the death of a Jewish mother, the other about undiscovered erogenous zones in response to Sarah Ferguson and the toe sucking, which I discussed on Richard & Judy. I was then offered a contract to appear on the show regularly. I’ve never done a proper job interview.

Who controls the remote in your house?

Me. I live on my own these days. I’ve been out every night for two years and five months [since Feltz separated from her fiancé, singer Ben Ofoedu]. There have only been maybe five nights where it’s been me in front of the TV with my dinner on a tray, because I don’t want to be at home, eating alone.

What TV have you enjoyed recently?

I’m watching The Gilded Age, but I’m not enjoying it much; it’s remarkably stilted and incredibly dull. I’m also persevering with And Just like That…, which is also abysmal. And I’m watching Love Island. Thankfully my parents are dead, because they’d never forgive me.

Have you given up caring what others think of you?

My parents were extremely demanding and judgemental. They basically told me how lacking I was in every way that matters. If your parents are busy telling you what a disappointment you are, you can’t really care what everyone else thinks. I tried to placate, appease and enchant my parents, but always failed. My mother’s been dead for 30 years exactly. She wasn’t a baddie. I loved her very much – and I really miss her.

What makes a good parent?

It’s about being on your child’s side, even if your child is wrong. You have to support your child, nurture and encourage them. I was an absurdly indulgent mother and I’m an absurdly indulgent grandmother.

You’ve teamed up with your daughter Saskia Joss for the podcast Help! My Child’s Anxious. What’s it about?

Saskia was a primary school teacher before qualifying as a child therapist. She was giving a talk about children’s mental health when a publisher in the audience suggested she write a book, which became Help! My Child’s Anxiety Is Giving Me Anxiety. There’s been an epidemic of children’s anxiety in this country – over 500 young people a day are referred to mental health services for anxiety. It’s stopping children from going to school, eating lunch, having friends, enjoying life. And the parents feel humiliated, embarrassed and anxious themselves. Our podcast offers excellent tips, tools and tricks. Saskia is adamant that children can overcome anxiety.

What do you bring to the podcast?

Saskia and I aren’t in similar fields, so there was no reason for our work to cross over, but here we are. I’m thrilled about it, and I drive her home afterwards, which means I see my grandchildren. I bring the perspective of my generation and being a mother. I’m from an era when children with anxiety hadn’t been invented. Saskia explains to me how seriously it must be taken. Children need to feel safe.

Were you an anxious child?

I was a thinking, concerned child. I remember becoming aware of my own mortality at the age of five and thinking, “Now I know I’m going to die, I’m never going to enjoy a simple day again.” I’ve now got four thoughtful, cerebral grandchildren, all of whom look as if they’re really concerned about absolutely everything all the time.

The latest issue of Radio Times is out now – subscribe here.

Check out more of our Entertainment coverage or visit our TV Guide and Streaming Guide to find out what else is on. For more from the biggest stars in TV, listen to The Radio Times Podcast.