John Torode and Gregg Wallace are stood side by side, grinning from inside a sparkly studio kitchen, which can only mean one thing: MasterChef is back. As another batch of eager chefs head inside to rattle those pots and pans, here are some of the thoughts that enter my head every single episode...


1. I should have saved my dinner until MasterChef started...

2. ...9pm’s a bit late, though.

3. I must have some chocolate in the back of the cupboard.

4. Although now I want soufflé.

5. Someone always makes a soufflé. Don’t they know how hard it is?

6. Is it going to rise?!

7. Do they need to do quite so many close-ups on the judges' mouths when they eat?

8. They hold the fork in their mouth a long time, don’t they?

9. John Torode’s chef whites really are very white.

10. He could be in a Daz advert.

11. I should have a bash at some of these recipes.

12. There are so many ingredients, though.

13. I’m not sure I even own half of those pots and pans.

14. I couldn’t make a slice of toast with this many people watching me, either.

15. I’m hungry.

16. Surely there’s not enough food on that plate.

17. You’d get about four times the amount at TGI Fridays.

18. John loves a bit of drama, doesn’t he?

19. If John’s talking to camera, it basically means it’s all going wrong for someone.

20. This guy’s the winner.

21. Oh wait, he’s burnt that. Maybe not.

22. Has Gregg had a pudding yet?

23. Is it too late for a snack...?


MasterChef is on tonight at 7:30pm on BBC1 and continues at the same time on Thursday