Mark-Francis Vandelli’s guide to staying cool this summer in London

The tube, flip flops and Pimm’s are all banned

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Would you ever get the tube?

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The tube is full of ugly people. I would only get it once or twice a year and ONLY in an emergency. To be honest with you, I’d rather walk. The tube is hot, busy and smelly.

What do you wear to keep cool? Do you own shorts? Flip flops?

Absolutely nothing cropped. And nothing that exposes the toes. It’s actually something that takes a lot of time to consider and get right. And it’s tricky. I would suggest piqué cotton. It’s really for the best.

What summer activities would you recommend? 

If you’re in London, I think a garden square is a nice place to spend the afternoon. I’m not a fan of going out in parks. I don’t really like other people terribly much. Parks full of people, the underground full of people and shops full of people – these places are not really my scene, especially when it’s hot because it’s quite unpleasant.

I suggest rooftops. If you are feeling REALLY adventurous you could go to Shoreditch House, I suppose. For something a little bit different. But not on a weekend because it’s really full of people.

[Pauses in consideration]

Yeah, I mean look, Shoreditch House is not somewhere I go it’s just somewhere that other people might want to go because there’s a swimming pool and stuff.

Also, never go into a swimming pool that has more than three people in it. 

Why?

Because it’s a cesspit and it’s not okay. That’s another big no.

Are you a speedos or a trunks man?

I wear Robinson Les Bains, but nothing that clings too much to the body.

What do you drink to cool down in summer? Lager?

As long as the drinks do not include Pimm’s or anything with fruit floating in it… or anything served from a jug. I am not a fan of those sort of alcoholic drinks. We are NOT in Marbella. If you have to drink wine, don’t dilute it with anything or stick fruit in it.

In terms of sleeping – how do you stay cool when it’s humid?

I mean, you don’t wear pyjamas. I think pyjamas are just [deep sigh] sooooo [another deep sigh] SO unnecessary. You wear boxers and you have very, very light sateen cotton sheets.

Not satin. SATEEN.

It’s when the cotton is woven in such a way to make it very light.

Where in Chelsea would you recommend in summer?

Okay. 5 Hertford Street’s roof bar is the best spot for me. Otherwise at Cecconi’s you can sit outside, that’s a nice spot.

Forget Cecconi’s actually I don’t want to put Cecconi’s I want to put Chucs on Dover Street. It’s divine and they have two little tables outside and I can’t BELIEVE I just told you because it is my ultimate secret place and I love it there. AAH the secret’s out.

Where else… Scott’s on Mount Street is fantastic for a summer dinner. I also recommend the terrace of Harry’s Bar because it is divine.

What about sunbathing, is that allowed?

You don’t sunbathe in the city. EVER. If you do you should consider yourself, ummm, REMOVED from any notion of society. It’s completely uncivilised and if I see anyone doing it within the M25 I just think they should be sent to Australia forever… with no sun protection.

Would you ever shave your head to keep cool?

[Long silence]

I mean I actually can’t believe you even asked me that question. I will decline to honour you a response.

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Made in Chelsea is on E4 tonight at 9pm