Jamie Bell reveals his personal connection to gritty new role in Half Man: "I have a painful amount of self-loathing"

This article first appeared in Radio Times magazine.

How did you get involved in Half Man?

Baby Reindeer had just hit, so when this arrived on my doorstep my interest was piqued because Richard had this genuinely unique, fresh voice – it was television that you hadn’t really seen or felt before. I only read episode six, an incredibly heightened spiral, but his writing balanced intensely dark subjects with a sense of humour that is especially Scottish. That levity helped us through. Richard wrote Niall with me in mind, which was flattering, and we had a lovely conversation about the show’s themes and our personal experiences with them.

Could you talk about that?

I have a painful amount of self-loathing. I can’t watch anything I do and I’ve been that way for 10 years. It’s the act of finality I dislike because there’s nothing I can do to fix it. If I’m in something, I’ve ruined it, which is a self-centred, destructive way of thinking. Even when I was a dancer as a child, if I couldn’t do something, it would end in tears or anger. Coming first and winning trophies were really important, so I relate to that competitive edge Niall has with Ruben.

How would you describe Niall?

He doesn’t know who he is. He’s incredibly sexually repressed and traumatised. He lost his father at an early age and being raised without that positive male influence really shapes him. His whole identity becomes based on his relationship with Ruben, who is the antithesis of who he is: problematically confident, masculine, aggressive, but unashamedly himself. Ruben is a defined human being. Niall is not. I also grew up without a father, so that lack of a male influence felt intrinsic to who I am.

A lot of your work has been about fathers and sons?

Definitely. I think people come to me because I exude it, I subconsciously bring that baggage. So many of my characters are orphaned or dealing with parental dysfunction, but the main difference between me and Niall is that I’m an adult. It can’t all be about me all the time. I have three kids, a wife [American actor Kate Mara] and a career. Niall is in a tunnel of self-obsession, self-loathing, trauma and pain that he can’t escape from. Fortunately, I don’t exist in that tunnel.

How did you work with Richard on the dynamic between your characters?

We started with the first scene in the series, their first confrontation after a long time. It’s tense and violent so we were throwing ourselves in at the deep end, but I’m glad we did, because it established the stakes for the whole show. I also had a big corpsing thing with Richard, probably because the work was so intense and heavy – inevitably, your brain just goes: I can’t do this any more. I’d also bring a football to work and we’d kick it around just to break things up and be normal for a second.

Did you meet Mitchell Robertson, who plays the younger Niall?

We Zoomed so we could be on the same page, because it was important not to undermine what he wanted to do. I also watched every single shot he did – I’d seen half of the show before I turned up, the stellar work Mitchell had already started. I took some of those mannerisms and the tone he’d established and built upon it.

How do we push back against the toxic ideas that Niall wrestles with and that young men face online, that masculinity means physical strength, dominance or the subordination of women?

Love is the answer. If you’re consistent with your kids – and that’s not easy, we’re human and react to things in the wrong way – then that bedrock is everything. I understand why my father left. It’s really hard to be a parent. The harder thing is to stay, to show up through thick and thin. Being a father is the hardest role I’ll ever play – the greatest reward and challenge.

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Half Man episode 1 arrives on BBC iPlayer on Friday 24 April.

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