Watching I Kissed a Boy changed my life and its axing alongside I Kissed a Girl sets an ugly precedent

After more than a decade of calling out for more LGBTQ+ representation on Love Island, I Kissed A Boy came along and delivered more than anyone could have anticipated: a queer dating show that felt joyful and genuinely transformative.

Hosted by Dannii Minogue, a woman who has proven herself to be one of the staunchest allies imaginable, I Kissed A Boy and I Kissed A Girl were not just game-changing moments in queer television. Even after more than 30 years of living as a gay man, I learned more about my community from one show than I had in my entire lifetime.

The axe falling on I Kissed A Boy and I Kissed A Girl sets an ugly precedent: that queer reality television doesn't matter. It says that it doesn't work and that, despite such an overwhelmingly positive response from both queer and straight viewers, there is no space for LGBTQ+ reality television.

"We are exceptionally proud of I Kissed a Boy/Girl, the UK's first dating show for the LGBTQ+ community," a spokesperson for the BBC announced.

"We would like to thank our fabulous Cupid Dannii Minogue and the entire team at Twofour for bringing the series to screen. Unfortunately, we have to make difficult choices in light of our funding challenges and there are no current plans for the show to return."

But even more important than ratings or changing the landscape of queer representation, I Kissed A Boy and I Kissed A Girl have been fundamental in making me feel like I belong.

I saw so much of myself in some of the contestants when I had always thought the insecurities I felt were unique to me. In series two, when Adam put himself down and pushed Reuben away before he could be rejected, I recognised that instinct immediately. It’s a pattern so many queer people know: rejecting yourself before someone else can. Even better, Adam’s confidence began to flourish during his time in the Hacienda, he showed a self-love I could have only dreamed of at his age in the same position.

Watching the importance of gay friendships play out on screen was incredibly powerful for me. It gave me the push I needed to actively seek out new gay friendships when I’d otherwise been coasting along in my straight circles, always struggling to find my place in the gay community. But there was a place waiting for me - I just had to make the effort to find it.

I’ve since done just that and have never been happier. The I Kissed A Boy cast have done more to rid me of my shame, stop comparing myself to other gay men, and help me appreciate the qualities I already have than any therapy could.

It showed me that all the parts of my queerness I once deemed unattractive in myself were, when I saw them in others, actually special - and deeply loved by the people around them.

When it comes to my queerness, until my 30s I had lived such a sheltered life. I was carrying so much internalised homophobia - far heavier than I ever realised - until I finally let it go.

Watching I Kissed A Boy and I Kissed A Girl made me see just how many years I'd lost: years I could have spent building queer friendships, embracing every part of my identity, and finding the kind of nourishment that only other queer people can provide.

The cancellation of both shows isn't just the end of two of the best dating formats on television; it risks closing the door on stories that help queer viewers truly understand themselves - sometimes for the first time.

Granted, I appreciate the BBC isn't in a position to fork out substantial sums of money just to give me free therapy. It is, however, a public service broadcaster that I pay a hefty fee to every year. And with the exception of I Kissed A Boy and RuPaul’s Drag Race UK - both still out of reach of the BBC’s two main channels - I see very little broadcasting that actually feels like it’s for me or my community.

Perhaps my personal connection to I Kissed A Boy isn’t worth investing in. I would accept that if my relationship with both I Kissed A Boy and I Kissed A Girl were unique - but this is so far from the truth.

The gay community has collectively never experienced such a unifying moment in dating television. Drag Race has been life-changing TV too - the world quite literally looks, sounds and feels different because of the impact of RuPaul’s international enterprise. But nothing has explored gay dating quite like this: gay relationships, rejection, the perils of confronting queer trauma, and finding your tribe to overcome it.

Television is drowning in dating shows for straight people and there seems to be absolutely no sign of pulling the brakes on commissioning unoriginal new formats that do little to reinvent the wheel.

Love Island still shows no sign of introducing more LGBTQ+ contestants, citing "logistical difficulties", when it could so easily introduce more bisexual contestants.

It worked when Sophie Gradon and Katie Salmon pulled the rug from under producers to become the show's first same-sex pairing. For a format that now feels exhausted, bringing more queerness into the mix might finally make it relevant again.

The chances of that happening have always been slim but with the premature cancellation of I Kissed A Boy and Girl, they now feel slimmer than ever.

I Kissed A Boy and Girl were proof that the BBC was willing to take a gamble on us - crafting a show that wasn’t just a box-ticking exercise but something meticulously designed to authentically show what it means to be gay and what it means to find love as an LGBTQ+ person. It was a show clearly made for the queer community that ended up being loved by so many more.

If there’s any justice - or sense - a rival channel will snap up the I Kissed A franchise. As queer people, we are always learning and evolving, and I Kissed A Boy and I Kissed A Girl, at least for me, were such an important part of that process.

But ultimately, what matters most is this: it was simply fantastic television. And it proved that queer TV isn’t just important representation - we also make brilliant TV.

A final season of I Kissed a Girl will air on BBC Three this summer. Previous seasons of I Kissed a Boy and I Kissed a Girl are available to watch on BBC iPlayer.

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