BLOGS
Defying Gravity
- Posted at 12:27pm
- 20 October 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
Sometimes, I'll come across an overwrought drama where I can be fairly sure that the dialogue was written by an infinite number of ants with a giant marker pen.
They roam and doodle, writing whorls of pap that, eventually, someone will shape into pages and form into a script for a science-fiction series. Like Heroes, and, starting on Wednesday this week on BBC2, Defying Gravity.
Defying Gravity is epically awful. It's an international co-production between Canadian, German, American and British (the BBC) broadcasters. I wonder if they are all blaming...
The X Factor
- Posted at 4:30pm
- 08 October 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
I love this time of year; the temperature is dropping and the nights are drawing in, so it's the perfect excuse to get cosy in front of the telly having of course first dug out my Big Slippers, the ones the size and consistency of fluffy canoes.
It's hard to believe but there are people in the world who are very sniffy about telly (who are these pinheads and what makes them think they are better than the rest of us?). They can't grasp the joy of that shared experience, when millions of us, all at the same...
30 Rock and Criminal Justice
- Posted at 1:02pm
- 02 October 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
The US comedy 30 Rock is always described as "critically acclaimed" which, as we all know, really means "nobody watches it". Even in its native land, 30 Rock's audience is comparatively tiny, with writer/creator/star Tina Fey (pictured) memorably thanking the show's "several viewers" at an awards ceremony.
So with 30 Rock a prophet without honour in its own land, it never really stood much of a chance over here. The first two series were bought by Five, who broadcast season one in increasingly eccentric time slots (ie late or, sometimes, not at all). Yes, of course,...
Location, Location, Location
- Posted at 11:55am
- 25 September 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
"Hello and welcome to Location, Location, Location. We're the increasingly desperate and disheartened Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer. The forced banter and our supposed sexual tension mask our despair that our househunters are becoming increasingly pointlessly demanding."
Phil: "Here's Tom and Tamara Troublesome and their ill-mannered children Hetty, Banzai and Isambard. Tom made his fortune running a shop that sells nothing but acorns, while Tamara simpers a lot in white trousers. Their dream is to live in a converted doll museum."
Kirstie: "Meanwhile, Izzie and Isaiah Idiotic want to move out of their £6 million penthouse apartment...
FlashForward
- Posted at 10:45am
- 18 September 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
I never make the mistake of underestimating my capacity for watching drivel; for example, my current favourites The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Harper's Island are top quality, hugely entertaining drivel. But drivel, all the same.
Which brings us to FlashForward. Not that it's drivel, it's just silly, but it's good silly, brilliantly put together and a lot of fun. Five has bought the series, which makes its US debut on Thursday 24 September, and starts here shortly afterwards (Monday 28 September, 9:00pm).
I loved it, and I'm generally far too sensible and literal...
Agatha Christie's Marple
- Posted at 4:30pm
- 10 September 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
ITV1 gave new Miss Marple Julia McKenzie a slow-burning start with her first story, A Pocket Full of Rye. She didn't appear on screen properly until about 30 minutes in, and even then most of the proper detecting was done by a real police officer (played by Matthew Macfadyen).
But McKenzie really gets her feet under the table in the second adaptation, Murder Is Easy (Sunday 13 September, 8:00pm, ITV1). And that wasn't even a Marple story. This hijacking doesn't seem to bother anyone but me, so I won't go on about how much...
Joss Stone in The Tudors
- Posted at 12:31pm
- 09 September 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
In this week's episode of the The Tudors a restless, randy Henry VIII at last sets eyes on his bride-to-be, Anne of Cleves. And he's not happy. Anne isn't the winsome beauty he's been led to expect by his unctuous courtiers and his biddable portrait painter, Hans Holbein.
But of course everyone watching knows this; the dramatic tension as the unfortunate Anne at last unveils herself lies squarely in who has been persuaded to play her.
After all, actors are notoriously vain, so who would, happily and willingly, play an unprepossessing woman reputedly dubbed...
Waking the Dead
- Posted at 4:20pm
- 03 September 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
It's only a matter of time now before people stop me in corridors and possibly even approach me on railway station platforms during my daily commute. And they'll all want to know: "Did you understand Waking the Dead last night?"
The answer will be "no". I never understand Waking the Dead. Even with the luxury of preview DVDs that can be rewound and re-viewed, I always fall through the holes in the plots, barking my shins and scratching my arms. And it drives me MAD, I tell you, MAD.
I never learn. I should just say...
Big Brother
- Posted at 12:35pm
- 27 August 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
It's over and I am so glad, if only for the simple reason that at last the Greek chorus that has grown in increasing volume with each passing series, claiming that "this Big Brother will be the last", will finally be silenced.
I am delighted that the end is in sight for this shallow, superfluous and degrading farrago, and that this shrieking babel will at last subside.
It's argued that Big Brother has changed the landscape of British television and this is sadly true. More significantly, though, and much, much worse, Big Brother has...
The Tudors
- Posted at 4:50pm
- 13 August 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
There's a scene in the second episode of The Tudors (series three starts on BBC2 on Friday 21 August) where Henry VIII's wife, Jane Seymour, is being attended by her ladies-in-waiting.
Oh the costumes! Oh the jewellery! Oh don't they look like Girls Aloud, I thought. If they'd suddenly got themselves into formation and burst into Sound of the Underground, I wouldn't have been in the least bit surprised.
But that's The Tudors for you. Sumptuously, expensively glossy and gloriously kitsch, it's tosh, but compelling, mightily enjoyable tosh. As with Desperate Romantics, no-one surely...
Desperate Romantics
- Posted at 4:05pm
- 06 August 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
I've tried, I've really, really tried to dislike Desperate Romantics (Tuesdays, BBC2, BBC HD). But I've failed miserably and I now fully embrace the fact that it's rambunctious tosh that's easy both on the eye and on the ear.
I'll hold up my hands and admit that my problem with it, right from the start, was that I actually expected to learn something about the Desperate Romantics of the title, the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood of Victorian artists.
Silly me. Desperate Romantics is not a history lesson, it's just a great big noisy adult pantomime full of buttocks, bosoms...
Single-Handed
- Posted at 4:05pm
- 30 July 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
We all know what to expect from Sunday night dramas, don't we? They are the TV equivalent of shortbread - colourless and bland, yet at the same time over-sweet to the point where if you have too many, you end up feeling sick.
Heartbeat… Ballykissangel…The Royal…Hope Springs…all no more than mildly diverting (although I have a strange, inexplicable fondness for The Royal) and more than a bit twee. Or in the case of Hope Springs, just flipping clichéd and awful.
A chocolate-box rural location is also essential to any Sunday night drama, lots of rolling hills and...
What to Eat Now
- Posted at 4:00pm
- 23 July 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
I have a confession to make: I eat cheese with fruitcake. Now, to some of you, this won't sound in the least bit unusual. To others it will seem like some kind of deranged affectation.
It never struck me as in any way odd until I moved Down South. But during my first Christmas in London, I cut myself a bit of Christmas cake and carved a nice wedge of stilton to go with it.
My friends were horrified and demanded to know: "What are you doing?" It was then that I realised that they really do do...
Desperate Romantics
- Posted at 1:31pm
- 20 July 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
I wasn't too far into watching Desperate Romantics, BBC2's jokey melodrama about the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood of Victorian artists (Tuesdays), when a lightbulb came on above my head. It was an actual lightbulb, as I'd switched on a lamp in the living room.
But there was mental illumination, too, when I realised that Desperate Romantics reminded me of the episode in Blackadder the Third featuring the poets in the coffee shop.
I'm sure you remember the one. It starred Robbie Coltrane as a volcanically bad-tempered Dr Johnson, and Shelley, Coleridge and Byron were...
Anonymous
- Posted at 4:30pm
- 16 July 2009
- by AlisonGraham-RT
The mere prospect of Anonymous on ITV1 on Saturday (18 July) makes me want to take out my own eyes, poach them on a low heat, cover them in Tabasco sauce and pop them back in again.
I haven't seen it, so if it's a daringly experimental piece of work that will leave me aghast with its elegant artistry then I'm prepared to be flogged in the market square of your choice. But it sounds like a load of old tosh to me.
We've probably all seen the publicity shots of Louis Walsh done up...
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