Simon Cowell gets a grilling from David Walliams
They spend their time criticising others on Britain's Got Talent, but what happens when the tables are turned?
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Do you trust your head, your heart or your gut?
Simon I go with my head if it’s someone who could be commercially good for the label but other times… Like the dancing dads – I don’t know where they’re going to end up but on what can be a very long, boring day, they put me in a good mood.
David I think it’s a gut instinct. But they don’t care what we think; unless they get your “yes” they’re disappointed because they know you can genuinely make them a star.
Simon Mine is the opinion people want to hear. Even if they’ve got three yeses and they know they’re through – you will say yes, not much of a reaction; Alesha, even less of a reaction; Amanda, nothing; at that point they have got through, but I’m the one they’re waiting for. Pause – “It’s four yeses!” – then they go mental.
David It’s annoying but true… But if we had four Simons on the panel, it would be a bit of a downer!
Why did you bring back the talent show?
Simon As a kid I used to watch Opportunity Knocks. Do you remember the clapometer? Apparently they just used to move it, but I believed it and I loved it! I also remember this audition on New Faces – there was a ventriloquist who was absolutely terrible and they gave him zero. I thought it was absolutely hilarious!
You’d have been great on BGT as a kid. I think you’d have been about 12, your mum would have been in the wings, and you would have been what I call a multi-tasker – singing, a bit of juggling, in with a bit of tap dancing…
David I’d have certainly wanted to audition, yes! But I was never a stage-school kid. I would have done some comedy sketches, I think. More than anything I wanted to be in the film Young Sherlock and the Pyramid of Fear. I wanted to play Dr Watson – I’d have been a brilliant Dr Watson!
What else do you watch on TV?
Simon I’m watching House of Cards – it’s just genius. Kevin Spacey is amazing!
David Do you associate yourself with his character? I’m like that. I’d kill for power. Then I could become the head judge.
Simon You wouldn’t – Amanda would.
David Excuse me?! I’ll tell you what I certainly didn’t enjoy – the election coverage! It was so boring. That’s partly why our show has done so well; people wanted something fun and escapist after hearing all those politicians talking. Did you actually go and vote?
Simon Of course. Are you going to tell me who you voted for?
David Labour.
Simon Really?
David Always vote Labour.
Simon You know what, can Radio Times start a petition for me to produce the next leaders’ debate? I would love to do that! I’d do it in a heartbeat! Hundred per cent. I’d have walk-ons, music, fire…
David Fire?! You’d set fire to them?
Simon And a trap door if people didn’t like what they said. And I’d definitely have a clapometer. I am deadly serious. Can we start a petition? I really would love a chance to do that!
The Britain’s Got Talent semi-finals continue through to Friday on ITV1
