A Song for Jenny author Julie Nicholson reveals the cost of the 7/7 bombings to her family – and her faith
Ten years ago, Nicholson’s daughter Jenny died in the London terrorist attacks. Now a BBC1 drama starring Emily Watson tells her story...
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Nicholson’s second book, “about the person I was and the person I am becoming since Jenny was killed”, is slowly forming. Writing, however tangentially, about your child’s death can never get easier. Why does Nicholson put herself through it? Why, for that matter, did she want this film made?
“I wanted to show who Jenny was, and to show this immense loss that I’m sure all 52 families affected by 7/7 felt. I’m sure there are other resonances for others, but for me, it’s about trying to draw back the personal from that very public disaster. I can’t speak for Jenny’s father [Nicholson parted from her husband, Greg, after, but not, she says, because of, Jenny’s death]. If I’m honest, I think he wasn’t sure he wanted the film made. But he was part of the family viewing, which was a very emotional experience for everyone – I think that was quite a healing thing – and we remain parents for our children, both living and departed.”
“We were a unit of five. I often see us with these kind of links,” says Nicholson, spooling invisible cords from open palms. “Once Jenny was killed, the chain was broken. The effect of traumatic bereavement on siblings is an area of research that I think really needs to be developed. My daughter, Lizzie, who was 22 at the time, said people would be phoning or coming to the house and their first question was always, ‘How are your mum and dad?’ She would answer, but inside she was screaming, ‘What about me?’”
Nicola Wren as Jenny in the TV drama
“And there was a moment before the funeral when my 17-year-old son Tom was making breakfast for himself while I was taking a phone call in the kitchen. The person on the end of the line asked me how I was feeling and I said, ‘Well, I just feel dead inside. I feel I have nothing to give.’ After I put the phone down, Tom, who never stopped putting Marmite on his toast, said, ‘You know, Mum, you’ve still got Lizzie and you’ve still got me.’”
“That was painful for me to hear, but it was important to hear, and I think they are both very courageous people to say those things to me. We haven’t got it all right as a family. We had to work hard to find ways of linking ourselves again. Our family’s a different shape now, but in some ways I hope we’re stronger.”
Births and weddings remain difficult: “That’s where I have had strong feelings of, ‘This should be my daughter, this should be her baby.’”
It’s an unusually honest admission, but you feel that with Nicholson, honesty is a fundamental act of faith, as if something less than total truthfulness would stint her daughter’s memory. And there have been moments of grace. When a survivor of 7/7 gave birth, against all odds, Nicholson performed the baptism, joyfully.
“Of course there is joy for friends and family members in love, for new babies coming into the world. For me, it may always be bittersweet, but it’s important to pay attention to the sweetness.”
A Song for Jenny is on BBC1 tonight (Sunday 5th July) at 9pm