Wolf Hall viewers left disappointed and dismayed by small codpieces

As Damian Lewis and co concentrated on pressing political matters at the court of King Henry VIII, some viewers were looking a little further south

Hilary Mantel’s novel Wolf Hall won the Booker Prize. The BBC adaptation, which premiered last night, is an early frontrunner for the best show of 2015. Mark Rylance is widely considered the greatest actor of his generation and Damian Lewis isn’t far behind.

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Whatever. We know what you want. Huge, thrusting, stuffed crotches, preferably inlaid with jewels and filigree lace work.

After Lewis, who plays Henry VIII, mentioned his own was “a dinky little one” and Rylance (the intellectually endowed Cromwell) suggested the conservative crotch-covering was out of respect for American audiences, all eyes were on the actors’ codpieces.

Waiting For Codpiece-o

Beforehand, anticipation encouraged lively historical debate, such as is found in the classrooms of our finest universities.


It feels like the codpiece is ready for a comeback. Look for them in an Essex club near you.

Anyway, enough foreplay.

The Codpiece of Small Things

But wait, something’s wrong…

Where…where are they?


Sure there are codpieces, but none of note.

You struggle to see those codpieces, and we’re really looking. 

Those codpieces barely even exist. You can’t have a demur codpiece; that defeats the point of a codpiece. It’s a moot point.

Some suggested where bereft viewers might get their codpiece-fix…

…but generally this was a scrotal disaster.

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Codpiece in our Time

Oh well, at least someone’s happy.

There's a new codpiece in town… #wolfhall

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