A computer is writing new, wonderfully weird Friends scripts

Chandler: Well, I proposed to my shoe...

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Scientists tell us that in the not-too-distant future, all we will have to keep us warm in our fall-out bunkers will be a single VHS copy of The One Where No-One’s Ready and enough soy-bean emergency rations to keep us alive and miserable for years.

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Good news! The dystopia is here today!

What you’re looking at there is a computer learning how to write Friends. Software developer Andy Herd fed every single script into a neural network, and it promptly started churning out surreal fan-fiction.

An example:

Chandler: (in a muffin) (Runs to the girls to cry) Can I get some presents.

“It works by predicting the next letter to follow a given sequence of letters,” he told the Daily Beast, “the predictions are determined by what it learned about language from the Friends dialogue provided.”

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He’s now considering feeding Seinfeld and Frasier through the same system. So when the apocalypse comes, know that the Terminators won’t sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but Niles Crane.