Don't Tell the Bride

Don’t Tell the Bride is, undisputedly, the jewel in any schedule’s crown, so it’s baffling that it keeps switching channels. Back, thank heavens above, on free-to-air TV after a dalliance with Sky last year, this opener has all the trappings of a classic, and does rather prove true the old adage, “Don’t get engaged to a manchild”. Thirty-year-old Rebecca hands over to Carl, eight years her junior, who has not only never planned a wedding, but has never been to one, either, but he’s got a solid idea of what he’s dealing with – “Chips, dips, and a load of little tealight candles. That’s all the key things.”

It’s as satisfyingly predictable as ever – she wants tradition; he wants banana boats in Torremolinos – but no guilty pleasure will sufficiently fill the hole left by Love Island this summer.