A week is a long time for X Factor fans. Saturday and Sunday are OK, because The X Factor’s on. There’s the feast of the Saturday performance show (relive the last one via our eye-watering blow-by-blow account), followed by the quick, satisfying snack that is the Sunday results show, at the end of which someone who can’t sing is brutally sacrificed.
So far, so good. But then, Monday: no X Factor. Tuesday: no X Factor. Wednesday: well, you get the idea with that one. Weekdays in autumn are literally hell for talent show fans.
Let us help. The X Factor may not be on the telly, but the newspapers and the net are full of rumour, speculation and, probably, total fiction about the show. We’ve decided to provide the valuable public service of rounding up the best gossip and presenting it here, in a handy weekly bulletin. There. You can make it through the week now.
THE SPEWING SCOUSER OF SOUL Craig Colton was so nervous before his performance of Best Thing I Ever Had by Beyonce that he was sick backstage. Not once, not twice, not four times – three times. “I vomited three times,” he told Digital Spy.
A MILLION LOVE SONGS LATER… Have you noticed that The X Factor no longer promises to give the winner a million-pound recording contract? According to The Sun, that’s because it doesn’t give them one – to earn that sort of money the champ would need to slog away for four albums, which almost never happens because as soon as they win, the nation decides they don’t like them after all, nobody buys their stuff, and they’re fired. The first-LP advance is reportedly only £150,000, which isn’t even enough to buy a second-hand helicopter.
ROCKY X FACTOR ROCKED BY “ROCK” CRISIS A story to send a chill into the very bones of everyone who watches The X Factor: this week’s theme was to be Motown/RnB, but it’s been changed at the last minute! If by “at the last minute” you mean on Tuesday. More “on the fifth-to-last day”, in fairness. Rock week will now ensue, Digital Spy revealed. Kitty Brucknell is so excited about this that she texted Louis Walsh ten times in an hour about it, according to Walsh himself, who seemed remarkably unruffled about such obsessive behaviour when a restraining order might have been more sensible.
KITTY’S NINE LIVES AT RISK Talking of Ms Brucknell, Tulisa Contostavlos is worried about the effect on the contestants of being cooped up in the luxury X Factor mansion, and is “especially concerned” about Kitty, who gets hate mail on top of everything else. The source for this story really is impeccable: an anonymous show insider talking to Now magazine. Call the Encyclopedia Britannica! We’ve got ourselves an established FACT.
LOUIS AND KELLY KISS AND MAKE UP In a textbook bit of self-perpetuating PR, this week The X Factor made the news with a story in The Mirror claiming that Louis Walsh and Kelly Rowland aren’t speaking – then it made the news again with a story on the ITV website claiming that the previous claim was rubbish. “These rumours are utter rubbish,” Louis said, quashing the nasty tittle-tattle once and for all. The X Factor publicists are furious about the speculation, an anonymous show insider told Radio Times. They just want to make their programme quietly, without any fuss.