"'Not so handsome now,' thought Harry as he dipped Hermione in hot sauce. The Death Eaters were dead now, and Harry was hungrier than he’d ever been."

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That's not a line from the weirdest Harry Potter fan-fiction ever written (even though, admittedly, there's some really strange stuff out there). It's actually a quote from Harry Potter and the Portraits of What looked Like a Large Pile of Ash, which has been generated entirely with predictive keyboards based on all seven of JK Rowling's books.

The sample chapter (titled The Handsome One) is "continuity-agnostic", so the plot makes very little sense – but it also reads exactly like a Harry Potter book. Ron's scared, Harry's reckless and Hermione knows just what to do.

Confused? Here are some choice lines:

"Leathery sheets of rain lashed at Harry's ghost as he walked across the grounds towards the castle. Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzied tap dance. He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione's family."

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"'Death Eaters are on top of the castle!' Ron bleated, quivering. Ron was going to be spiders. He just was."

"'Locked,' said Mr. Staircase, the shabby-robed ghost. They looked at the door, screaming about how closed it was and asking it to be replaced with a small orb. The password was 'BEEF WOMEN,' Hermione cried."

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Now the future of technology is here, will an author ever need to write a sequel again? Frankly this is a work of literary genius and fully deserving of a Pulitzer Prize, even if it's not actually composed by a human. A minor complication...

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