Coronation Street Live – episode review

David Brown gives his verdict as Callum Logan meets his maker

Well, I didn’t hear any shouting from Old Trafford, did you? We were told that football cheering could bring Corrie Live to its knees. But there was nothing. Even when Rooney put Man United 1-0 up. Mind you, Yasmeen Nazir screaming over the garden fence was enough to drown anything out.

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You’d have thought someone would have warned her what life would be like moving in next door to the Platts. If that family gets through the day without somebody trying to kill them, then they chalk it up as a victory. As for Wednesday 23 September 2015, well it’ll certainly be one to remember.

Just when David thought his biggest problem was raising 20 grand to pay off Callum, he suddenly finds that he’s got to get rid of the pop-eyed career criminal’s corpse down Gail’s manhole. And no, that’s not a euphemism, you filthy hounds.

What happened was this – Kylie bludgeoned Callum with a wrench and let his blood spill all over the lino at No 8 (we were warned that there’d be product placement in the episode and yet I saw nobody getting busy with the Mr Muscle). We then got some Fawlty Towers Kipper and the Corpse-style to-ing and fro-ing before the drug dealer’s body got shoved six feet under.

The acting was excellent. So much so that you forgot it was live. My only problem is that Callum carking it cribs from some memorable soap storylines from years gone by.

The first being when John “all I wanted to do was teach!” Stape did for Colin Fishwick and stashed his body in the ground beneath Underworld (mere yards from where Callum is now buried). And the second is that pivotal moment from Emmerdale’s live 40th anniversary blowout (also masterminded by Stuart Blackburn) that saw Carl King die when he too was hit over the head.

As for what happens next, we can but guess. But anyone who’s merely brushed up against a soap in the years since patios become synonymous with Trevor Jordache can surely work it out.

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For weeks (maybe months, possibly years), we’ll have consciences being wrestled with, anxious looks whenever coppers come calling, followed by the body being dug up thanks to bomb damage/fire/expansion to Underworld/unsafe flooring. Take your pick. Up comes Callum, out come the police handcuffs, David or Kylie gets arrested, a veteran actor like William Gaunt or Paul Darrow defends him/her in court and we’re told that they’ve filmed two endings to the trial.