OK, so it never really goes away. Big Brother only finished last week (can anyone name who won? No? Anyone?) and now the house has had a spit and polish, a summer Love Island-style makeover and is ready to welcome some A-list B-list C-list Z-list celebrities into the villa. Sorry, house!
So join RadioTimes.com as we ask ‘who is that?’ ‘where have I seen them before?’ and ‘surely that person barely constitute the word celebrity?’ as CBB for summer 2017 kicks off in style.
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23:02: Well, that’s your lot for now! We have our confirmed housemates and we have Shaun being mercilessly taunted by TV producers. What more can you ask from CBB? Find out more about all of the celebrities in the Celebrity Big Brother house below:
22:59: Isn’t Sandi a star? Choosing Shaun’s cushions and throws chat over free booze is frankly nothing short of heroic.
22:57: Shaun has to do…what?! Genuinely think they should’ve tested the tech before letting it loose in Shaun’s ear. He clearly can’t hear a sodding thing.
22:52: To the other housemates, Shaun is already having a breakdown. They just witnessed him walk into a quiet corner of the room and start muttering to himself.
22:50: Oh crikey. As if Shaun hasn’t suffered enough already. We don’t know what’s acting and what’s his reality anymore. We think Shaun has also forgotten who Shaun is, and he’s only been in there an hour.
''Shaun, we want you to wander about with a blank look on your face''#CBB
22:49: Swear they just shoehorn stupid facts in about “bongos” and other silly words just so Marcus Bentley can sound as ludicrous as possible.
22:48: Dangerous how? Enjoys making toast in the bathroom dangerous or…?
22:45: It’s Dangerous Danan – that’s Paul Dananfrom the original series of Love Island back in 2005. He must be thanking his lucky stars ITV2 has made such a hit from the show this year, otherwise there’s no chance he’d be here wearing such a hideous outfit.
22:32: They’ve saved the worst until last. After Trisha we have Jemma Lucy who’s famous for..erm…what is she famous for?! The only thing we’ve seen her in is…CBB! Either way, she’s already had sex on TV. That’s ticked off the old bucket list.
22:29: If you have a spare 20 minutes and have literally nothing better to do, here’s Trisha eating a Pizza Hut. takeaway. It’s been watched by two million people. Two million.
22:27: Vlogger, actress, all-round-annoying YouTuber Trisha Paytas is up next, wearing something even Katie Price would quite rightly say is a “bit much”.
22:26: He just took Sam Thompson OUT in one fell swoop.
22:24: Judging by that entrance, Jordan is far too used to raking in £500 a pop doing personal appearances at nightclubs. That’s the only explanation for that level of excitement.
22:24: “I’ve made it!” Is this making it? Really?
22:22: The next housemate is some bloke called Jordan who’s on some show called Ibiza Weekender and asks, genuinely without irony, “have you seen the shows I’ve been on?!” No, Jordan. No we haven’t. Who are you!?
22:18: And reality tips ever nearer to Black Mirror as we hear: “Shaun, you’re too dry. Big Brother is not happy”
22:17: You can actually see Shaun’s self-respect and dignity disappearing piece by piece live on TV.
22:16: Cue total and utter awkward shuffling as Brandi enters the house and no-one has a bloody clue who she is.
22:15: Now we’re getting introduced to Real Housewives Brandi Glanville, who swears more than Danny Dyer shutting his finger in a door.
22:12: Karthik just introduced himself as Car Sick. And now we love him.
22:09: Erm, just WHAT was Sandi doing to Derek’s ear just then? Was he trying to reach the other side? Has he lost an earring?!
22:07: Who had the most illegible entry interview? Derek or Karthik? Tough call.
22:04: Next up, it’s Mr Monobrow himself – former Apprentice star Karthik Nagesan. Yep, that’s where we’ve got to with CBB – sticking in a bloke who came 11th on a different reality TV show nearly a year ago.
22:02: That’s why Celebrity Big Brother is so worth watching. It’s the only place where you can find out that Helen Lederer has never worn PJs and actually prefers nighties.
22:01: The world isn’t really watching, Willis. But a couple of hundred thousand people are. Possibly.
21:54: “Shaun, get that chin rubbed…Come on Shaun”. That was probably the precise moment when Shaun Williamson realised that perhaps another season of panto actually wouldn’t have been so bad after all. At least then you’re only humiliated in a room full of people, not a nation of viewers.
21:50: Here’s self-proclaimed “Bad Chad”, The Bachelorette’s Chad Johnson. He says that he’s only watched a few clips of CBB before signing up to the show. We’re hoping this was one of them that made him want to do it:
21:48: If you caught that, the guy wearing the white t-shirt in the audience just did what we were all thinking. He was sort of applauding and then stopped to check his watch. We know how you feel, mate.
21:47: Anyway, Sandi has just revealed she has grandkids. And almost revealed something else in that dress.
21:46: That guy in the audience has nicked Kem’s sailor’s hat from Love Island
21:44: Next up is former Goggleboxer Sandi Bogle who – believe it or not – has actually released a single. Seriously.
21:37: Ahh, the first ‘who the heck are you?’ of the evening goes to Mob Wives’ Marissa Jade. Nope, we’d never heard of her until two seconds ago. And somehow we don’t think she’s going to know who the hell Barry is.
21:21: Next up is Made in Chelsea lad Sam Thompson, who is unbelievably orange. “If a girl walks around with her tits out, I will be looking.” We hope Tiff isn’t watching this.
21:20: This is like the worst episode of Ant and Dec’s Get Me Out of Ear we’ve ever seen. But somehow – and we have no idea how – Shaun actually managed to get Sarah to sing with him. Mission accomplished, Barry!
21:18: Sarah’s packed 17 pairs of sunglasses. Does she think she’s going to Ibiza and not Elstree?
21:14: And Shaun is given his first undercover task which will put his acting skills to the test. This should be interesting.
21:11: So the incredible facts we learn about Shaun as he enters the house is that he has a tattoo of a tiger on his bicep, used to deliver telegrams on a moped and once made the News at Ten after getting lost up a mountain.
21:09: And first up is Barry off of EastEnders – aka Shaun Williamson! And now seems like the absolute perfect time to unearth this absolute hidden gem. He says he loves singing, and this performance is possibly the greatest gift to music you’ll ever hear. And see.
21:07: Emma’s announced that for once, there’s going to be a cash prize for the famous winner who will nab a cool £50,000…for charity. Hate to say it, but surely half of this lot are charity cases and actually need that money themselves, hence why they’re on this show in the first place.
21:06: And Channel 5 have clearly spent all the money on those fireworks instead of the celeb signings.
21:05: Emma Willis introduces this year’s Celebrity Big Brother as the greatest reality TV show on earth. Erm, OKKKK…
21:02: But before CBB…Here’s a sneak peek at Make or Break. A villa, wheeling suitcases down a path and the most extreme recouping ever as couples head to an island to put their relationships to the test. This is like Love Island on steroids.
20:49: And although we don’t know which celebrities we’ll be seeing in the house, we at least know what their famous bums will be sat on. Here’s a snoop around the CBB house:
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