It should come as no surprise that Channel 4 is airing a programme called The Great British Skinny Dip tonight, because since the success of The Great British Bake Off, TV bosses have loved nothing more than finding a thing the Brits do and bunging “Great British” in the title.
That’s why we’ve been treated to the Great British Sewing Bee (now probably axed), the Great Pottery Throw Down, the Great British Menu and even The Great British Weather.
So what’s up next? We had a look in the TV schedules for 2017 to see what you can expect.
The Great British Queue Off
Hm-hm! Tut tut. Er, I think you’ll find there’s a queue. The British are famed for their love of an orderly line, but who is the nation’s best queuer? Who has the patience to wait and wait and wait, while making passive aggressive comments to anyone who looks like they might push in? This six-part series will sort the amateurs from the pros.
The Great British Conker Championship
Who will conker this challenge? Hosted by Mel and Sue, who have been polishing their horse chestnut-related puns ever since they left the Bake Off. They’ll string us along as we go bonkers for conkers and find out who has the skills and who does nut. The rules are simple: players use conkers threaded in a string, taking turns to strike at their opponent’s conker nut until it shatters. No baked, boiled or reinforced conkers allowed – that just wouldn’t be smashing behaviour, would it? Now let’s get cracking.
The Great British Morris Dance Off
Ring the bells and grab your handkerchiefs! English folk dancing has never been so competitive, or so glamorous. Will the GBMDO inspire a revival in Morris dancing as youngsters head to the shops for bell pads, sticks, swords and accordions?
The Great British Gardening Show
Mary Berry’s latest project. Who can create the perfect window box, or a showstopper garden? Ruining the tension a bit, each technical challenge will last several months (gardening’s not like baking, you know – things take time!) as the contestants try to grow the tallest sunflower, or tempt a rose bush into bloom. Knowledge of soil types and plants’ Latin names is a must.
The Great British Drinking Contest
Now if there is one thing the Brits are good at, it is drinking. Just take a look at the pavements of our city centres on a Saturday night! It’s practically a national past-time, a noble tradition passed down from our forefathers. This competition will feature the Ring of Fire round (just don’t look at what’s in the dirty pint!) and a beer pong round, before the “rounds round” where all 12 contestants have to buy drinks for the whole gang at the pub while staring sadly at their wallets. The winner is the last one to pass out.
The Great Silly Walk Off
Finding the nation’s best silly walker. Monty Python star John Cleese is the judge, providing grumpy commentary as he complains he’s only taken the job to fund his divorce.
The Great British Pun Off
A panel of tabloid sub-editors will serve as judges, having spent decades creating such classics as “Mad Müller: Hate preacher goes shopping for yoghurt” and “super Caley go ballistic celtic are atrocious” and “Tinker Taylor snogs a spy”. Each contestant will have to spit out puns based on news stories and topics of general interest. The winner gets a groan and a newspaper job.
The Great British Skinny Dip airs at 10pm on Tuesday 14th February on Channel 4