There was an unwritten rule – possibly even a written rule – among Doctor Who producers back in the day that there should be “no hanky panky in the Tardis”.
How times change. In recent years, Amy and Rory Pond went as far as to conceive a child there – no mean feat, given they had to sleep in bunk beds – and, when their daughter grew up, the Doctor married her. Well, a robot duplicate of the Doctor married her, but the real Doctor was hiding inside, so it’s still legal, apparently (Time Lord relationships are complicated).
We had to wait 33 years for the Doctor to get to first base with another species – thank goodness hardly anyone was on the internet in 1996, or it would have exploded – but he’s been making up for lost time ever since, clocking up an impressive 24 screen kisses to date.
Here, we count down our hero’s best smooches, smackers and spit-swappers from 24 to one, culminating in what we think is the ultimate example of loving the alien.
Don’t agree with our choices? Tell us your own favourites in the comments below.
24. The Tenth Doctor and Jackie Tyler (Army of Ghosts, 2006)
The first time Rose’s mum met the Doctor, she slapped him across the face. Here, she greets him with a different sort of smacker, which the Doctor wipes away with the look of a small boy receiving a Christmas kiss from a particularly hairy-lipped granny. Yummy mummies are clearly not his type. In fact, on balance, we’d say he probably preferred the slap.
23. The Tenth Doctor and Elizabeth I (The Day of the Doctor, 2013)
The Doctor has made a proposal of marriage to good Queen Bess (Joanna Page) – but only because he thinks she’s a Zygon (it’s not a fetish thing – he’s trying to call the creature’s bluff. Or so he says, anyway). When it turns out she’s not a giant orange metamorphic alien foetus but the rightful ruler of England, the Doctor’s troubles really begin: Liz kisses him passionately, and starts making wedding plans. “Oh good work Doctor,” he sighs. “The Virgin Queen? So much for history.”
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