We’re one week into I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! 2016 and things are (finally) escalating in the jungle after the recent arrival of camp rivals Danny Baker and Martin Roberts.
So, let’s not waste any time with small talk. Here were the headlines of day seven:
Larry Lamb dropped a log down the loo
It’s phrasing we might live to regret, but it happened: Larry Lamb put a big log in the bog. Why? To act as a makeshift ‘occupied’ indicator for the camp toilet.
And it’s a home comfort that brought a tranquil start to the day. Danny Baker and Martin Roberts soon did a hand-shake and made up after Saturday’s post-trial spat, and all celebs were chummy once more. A very smiley Scarlett Moffat even commented “it’s like it was before”.
Did Lamb’s toilet shenanigans mend a disunited group of celebs? Would they all camp happily ever after? In short: no. In a bit longer: no, Martin Roberts ruins everything.
Martin Roberts was strangled by a lot of snakes (but didn’t shut up about it)
It’s hard to dislike a man who’s brawled his way through a tank of snakes for your supper, but the Homes and The Hammer presenter can pull it off.
And actually, it wasn’t just snakes he battled with in the Hell Hollow Bushtucker Trial: Martin “my biggest nemesis is confined space” Roberts was shoved into a dimly-lit confined tunnel to scrounge for plastic yellow stars.
So far, so terrifyingly claustrophobic. But then “seriously-guys-being anywhere-confined-is-my-biggest-fear” Roberts was plunged into a water-filled coffin with 52 snakes – the most amount used for a single task in I’m a Celeb history.
He rather calmed conquered all of that, but still came off looking like a wally. Why? Although he dragged eight stars (hence eight hot meals for camp) from the Hell Hollow, he dropped two on the way out.
Plus, on his return, Martin thought it would be a great idea to spend a small epoch recounting his own struggles before letting his starving campmates know how many meals they’d be getting. This is precisely why you’ll never see Martin present Children in Need.
Martin Roberts didn’t eat his beans (again)
We can all agree kale is gross. It looks like slime has all the texture of regurgitated slime. But beans? Seriously, Martin. Beans?!
Of course, we’re talking about Martin’s “I’m not eating beans or rice” hissy fit that started in day six and rolled on into seven. But it’s a tantrum that reached a whole different level of wrong last night: Martin suggested the grub would go down better with mayonnaise or ketchup. Rice. With ketchup.
What kind of life do you lead, Martin Roberts? Is this you at mealtimes, Martin Roberts?! Martin Roberts?!
Carol Vorderman MBE dressed up as a chicken
Okay, Joel Dommett did as well, but having a Cambridge-educated numbers queen don a poultry onesie is a sight you may never see on British TV again.
Take it all in.
The context for her new get-up: the Simply the Nest Dingo Dollar Challenge. This involved Carol and Joel anchoring a series of pesky elasticated eggs into a large bird’s next for 60-seconds without them pinging away.
And despite those outfits, the duo weren’t yolking around (we make no apologies) and easily completed the task. They then had a chance of swapping their dingo dollars for a supply of jelly beans, provided the celebs at camp could answer Kiosk Keith’s question: “What percentage of men consider sending naked selfies to someone else to be cheating? A) 53%, or B) 64%.”
The celebs guess 53%, and it’s…correct! Scrummy jelly beans for camp. A deeply troubling statistic concerning male identity for the UK.
Martin Roberts had a big old cry
After being asked several times by new President Scarlett to fetch some water, Martin fobbed off the Gogglebox star and continued resting on his post-snake-coffin laurels.
Enter Danny Baker on #TeamScarlett: “She’s smart as a whip, she shouldn’t need me to step in but you do it too often. If she tells you to run down there and bring it up on the top of your head, then you run down there and bring it up on the top of your head, alright?”
This prompted Martin to actually to make a trip for water, a minute journey he finished with a great big blub on a log (not Lamb’s toilet log, don’t worry), moaning “what’s that all about?” on national TV.
Fortunately, resident Mr Nice Wayne Bridge was there to hug a few words of comfort into Martin and even Scarlett popped over to explain: “Danny was sticking up for me, I’ve been made President and I’m very flattered and my job is to make sure everyone else is doing their jobs.
“Everyone else 100 per cent gets stuck in but I’ve asked you over 20 times really politely and you just haven’t. Then as soon as one of the guys asks you, you do it.”
Roberts tearfully replied: “I wasn’t aware I was ignoring your requests, I apologise. Tomorrow’s a new day you won’t have to ask me twice to do anything.”
It’ll probably be cruel at this point to mention that Martin Roberts sounds like a sniffily hamster when he blubbers, but hey, it’s a cruel world: Martin Roberts sounds like a sniffily hamster when he blubbers. Get over it.
We found out Adam Thomas will face the next bushtucker trial
And finally last night, viewers learnt chirpy chappy Adam Thomas will be off in the Bushtucker Food Factory today. Fun name, horrible task: the Emmerdale star will have to take on spiders and other creepy crawlies alongside the retch-inducing stench of rotten veg in stagnant water.
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