And that’s the end of the Gender War, and tonight’s shorter episode. For me, the pick is 5 After Midnight, while Saaro Alto is in trouble. But don’t pay any attention to me, I’ve been wrong 100% of the time. Let’s bung up the last of the performances and call it a night.
Well, time to eat humble pie. That is a tight harmony from 5 After Midnight. Nicely done.
5 After Midnight pull an all nighter to find the right song, and end up on…Say You’ll Be There by the Spice Girls.
Nicole says ‘You don’t know you’re beautiful/that’s what makes you beautiful’ is a beautiful message for Emily’s mother and all the women out there. It’s not. It’s like a logic trap for self-loathing robots.
So as an experiment and because I’m bored on a Saturday, let’s see how easy it is to write an article out of literally nothing. I have no idea what it’s going to be yet, but I bet you £100 I’ll have it written and published here in 10 minutes. Start the clock.
As a new viewer and live blogger, this ecosystem is what’s fascinated me the most – the shows themselves are pretty entertaining, but X Factor is all about the extra material. It’s hard to believe it has been running for so many years, because it seems custom designed for the age of Twitter.
Moving on to this week’s Backstage Nonsense Roundup.™
Simon’s slip of the tongue led some to claim the fix was in. Because journalism is dead, these tweets were immediately turned into clickbait articles on other sites. (I won’t link to them because I am a coward and want to keep working in this terrible industry.)
Nevertheless, this makes a good point about why X Factor is so perfect for modern media. (Hi Google!) Speaking as a hack journalist myself, it’s a useful mix of story-able elements: famous judges with big personalities, pathos (sob stories) and bathos (Honey G) and a mass audience reacting in real time on Twitter.
The show’s military-grade press team release a regular stream of information throughout the week (who’s singing what, who’s duetting with whom) and, like professional wrestling, the show creates its own storylines (Ryan and Emily). There’s also a ton of embeddable content (press pack photos, memes, YouTube clips, gifs and the like) that helps fill out an article and means I don’t have to do any research or write any words. It’s the perfect story!
Before I forget, this week’s theme is Boys vs Girls, inspired by the imminent US election. (Not really.)
Here’s what they’re singing this week.
Matt Terry: Wham! – I’m Your Man
Ryan Lawrie – The Beatles – Twist & Shout
Emily Middlemas: One Direction – What Makes You Beautiful
Sam Lavery: Girls Aloud – I’ll Stand By You
Honey G: Kris Kross – Jump
Saara Aalto: Girls Aloud – Sound of The Underground
5 After Midnight: Spice Girls – Say You’ll Be There
Four of Diamonds: Wilson Phillips – Hold On
Gifty looked angry enough to became a meme. Which is just as good as winning the competition, right?
Oh no, wait, it isn’t, because social media is a dehumanisation factory, where we boil strangers down to screengrabs, stamp them with a hashtag then move on.
Hello, I’m Jonathan Holmes, and welcome to my fifth week of X Factor Live Blogging, and fifth week of watching X Factor in my entire life. So far it’s been a voyage of discovery, but quite a painful, migraine filled one, like those guys who stumble on The Nameless City in H.P. Lovecraft. Other people order Dominos for X Factor, I stock up on Neurofen.