The egg timer is running. We’re counting down the final run of The Great British Bake Off on the BBC. Batter Week proved to us just how much we’ll miss Mel and Sue when they’re gone, but there was plenty to savour, with cracking crackling, wobbly churros and lots of impregnation.
Confused? Best recap everything with us right here.
9.02pm Going to round up some of your Mel and Sue reactions here. Thanks for joining, as always. Another week, another Star Baker, another one sent home and another episode closer to the end… Sorry, didn’t mean to bring the mood down after a crackling episode.
Until next time. Share the Great British Love.
8.59pm It’s over. Mel and Sue were on fire, just underlining the point how much they’ll be missed. You can pay as much as you like for a format, but until you find people who can deliver it, it’s only half-baked.
8.58pm Benjamina wins Star Baker…… and KATE is the one to leave. The Bunny Boiler gets burnt.
8.57pm Feeling very uncomfortable right now.
8.55pm “Totally impregnated” – Mary giving up on any sort of innuendo, it’s like she’s trying not to get a new Bake Off contract.
8.54pm “They don’t look particularly nice, I don’t like the flavour…” Waiting for a ‘But’ now Paul. Any time…
8.53pm “If you’re fond of fennel, it’s fine…” Mary damning with barely perceptible praise. Tom suffering curse of the Star Baker?
8.50pm GBBO camera crew be like
8.44pm Forgot to say earlier, but ‘Chur-ross Kemp’ is a beautiful parting gift. No more worlds to conquer.
8.43pm Kate says, all smiley, that she’s making little rabbit churros. YOU ARE ABOUT TO THROW THEM INTO SCORCHING HOT OIL YOU MONSTER.
8.40pm Who churreckon is going to make Star Baker this week?
8.37pm “Am I going to have to get the lawyer out again?” Too soon Sue.
8.34pm “Looks like an alien’s face”, Paul says of Selasi’s pancakes. It’s OK, the tent’s ready for an invasion. WELCOME TO EARTH.
8.33pm Technical over, it’s time for Paul to pick at their lace.
8.31pm Seven series watching Bake Off, and I always wondered whether it was actually in the rules not to ask other bakers for help. Obviously everyone breaks it, which is pure Bake Off, but this angry red notice is pretty explicit.
8.30pm Oh Candice…
8.29pm This is pancakes #Breadxit-style isn’t it? ‘Lace’ is just an excuse to be stingy.
8.27pm How the whole of the UK is feeling about Mel and Sue right now.
8.26pm Laced pancakes. There was us hoping it was batter spiked with spiced rum. Not impressed.
8.25pm BAKE OFF spoilers. And ER ones too. We all know what happens next.
8.24pm CUT. Ad break, brought to you by Bovril.
8.22pm Paul spitting crackling all over the tent, gives Selasi his hand almost as an afterthought. “MMHHPPH PHHMM MHH”. No need to speak Paul, we all love a Selasi mouthful.
8.21pm The big debate.
8.19pm “I like the way you’ve toasted your nuts” Paul says, looking up like a hopeful puppy at Mel and Sue. Andrew doesn’t even blink. Oh Paul, don’t step outside your comfort zone. Leave it to the experts.
8.17pm Trademark Mel pat on the shoulder there as Tom’s Yorkshires come out of the oven looking more like blinis. That’s intellectual property that, no one’s allowed to copy it.
8.15pm “The smaller ones are for the kids, the bigger ones are for the adults. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.” We won’t tell anyone Selasi, those look puffing marvellous.
8.13pm Just about time for an ad break about now. Great if you’re typing at a hundred words per minute, absolutely terrible for anyone who actually wants a fully filled Mel and Sue sandwich.
8.11pm Batter week not going down well with everyone. Personally, I’d take Selasi’s crackling over a cherry bakewell any day.
8.09pm “Lovely”, Mary says through gritted dentures, as Rav explains his spicy puds. Hell, at least the tofu will be easy on the bite.
8.07 It’s surely impossible to make Yorkshire puddings “identical”?
8.05pm “Top grade Yorkshire pudding” required by Mary Berry. She knows all the best dealers.
8.03pm All is harmony in the Bake Off tent. Going to miss these two so much.
8.02pm What a start! Melody Mel and Sue ‘Tune’ Perkins give us a Bake Off song. A swan song you might say?
8pm It’s time. Yorkshire puddings, rising above it all.
7.50pm Ten minutes to go. Things can only get batter.
7.38pm Bake Off: the story so far (deep breath).
7.30pm Half hour warning. Let’s, uhh, try to enjoy ourselves shall we?
7.01pm Kudos to this year’s bakers for carrying on as if nothing has happened. They never knew this would be the final BBC series.
6.46pm I take it back, we have a #GBBO tweet. Everything is normal again.
5.22pm Take note: not a single tweet today from BBC1’s Twitter feed about Bake Off. Normally we’d be inundated with by now.
5.07pm To be honest, we’ve all been trying it today. How’s this for a pitch?
5pm Jeremy Vine’s been working out how to make £25 million… We’d commission it.
4.10pm OK, back later. Let’s all just pretend that everything’s going to be OK?
4pm Batter Week. Kind of appropriate given what’s happened this week.
Sure, on screen it will be as if nothing’s changed, as if the tent is a force field protecting the bakers from what’s rumbling on just outside. The series is in the can, Mel and Sue are still in situ, all’s right in the world.
But given what’s happened to the biggest show on TV since Channel 4 announced it had signed a deal with Love Productions, I’m not entirely sure the reaction tonight with be quite as sweet…