British adults might reluctantly don a witch’s hat if they’ve got really keen friends, but in America it’s bigger than Christmas. Plus, it’s not about being scary — hot dogs and lobsters are totally accepted.
While you scoff at that round robin you once got from those odd family friends, in America it’s completely normal to plaster your family across the front of a Christmas card and send it to absolutely everyone you’ve ever met.
While most of us get a tiny uni room to ourselves, Americans sleep beside total strangers in their “dorms”. And all the stories they tell in the future hark back to that fateful moment they first met their roommate.
While you just went to your lame school dance with your friends, Americans’ lives seem to depend upon that one all-important question: “Who’s taking you to prom?”
And right in the city centre, too. Even when they have minimum wage jobs. The American dream is alive and well.
If you’d run off while the teacher was still explaining an algebra sum, you’d have been in big trouble. Yet in America, kids just run off to the mall and nobody seems to mind.
While your parents just shouted at you or looked disappointed, US teens were always being told they had to stay at home for two weeks, before they promptly escaped and had loads of fun…
At university, you might have got a half-hearted clap from your friend during your netball match, but in America the sports players are gods. And there is always a stadium full of supporters screaming their names in joy.
Maybe they need to keep their windows shut?
While you’re hauling around a Bag for Life or double-bagging to stop the milk falling out, Americans are cradling flimsy bags with no handles. How do they not break? And how is American food so much lighter than ours?