You know things are getting stressful in the jungle when celebrities start volunteering to lie in a coffin of cockroach faeces or lick an emu’s toenail, simply to escape their fellow campers.
On day 15, Kieron needed a rest from the humans, so he did a trial so unbelievably surreal that we all wondered whether we’d had a bottle or seven more wine than we’d realised.
It was so strange in fact, that we don’t actually have a clue what the task was. But it went something like Kieron+emu+emu+cockroaches+emu+climb into shining space ship=winning food.
“This is just stupidity,” he said as he stood in a room with an alien statue, trying to remove a key dangling from an emu’s neck, before being told by Ant and Dec to “get into the spaceship”.
Yes, it is stupidity, Kieron. Or to put it another way, it’s I’m a Celebrity…
Things began to make a little bit more sense when the celebs discussed their personal experiences of fame.
Lady C came up with a nice synonym for C-lister when she declared, “I’ve never know what it’s like to live without a well known name. I would not actually say I was famous. What I have is a modest degree of renowned.”
To be fair, Lady C, nobody else on I’m a Celebrity has much more than a “modest degree of renowned” either, so you’re in good company.
It was genuinely revealing when George Shelley talked about the strange nature of overnight fame with Union J, and Ferne said “it’s a funny one ‘cos I’m a famous C-lister. But when famous people say ‘Ferne, we love TOWIE!, I think ‘I’ve made it! I’m properly famous!'” Kieron admitted he “loved the attention” of it all. We were starting to feel we understood the campers a little better.
Oh but then Lady C did that thing where she says something absolutely ludicrous and the conversation dies on it’s (emu) arse.
“I don’t know if some of you have noticed,” she said, “but I’ve bent over backwards here to get less attention than I’ve been getting [in the outside world].”
Either she’s been smoking something super-strong in the jungle, or she’s an evil genius who knows that this statement will push Duncan over the edge he’s already teetering on.
Sure enough, his face fell even further.
And off flew The Dragon into the deepest, darkest jungle to reclaim his sanity far, far away from his nemesis.
Will he return? We have no idea. But if you see any unusual lights in the sky tonight, you’ll know its Duncan Bannatyne making a break for it in Kieron’s spaceship.