We need to talk about Chris Eubank.
He’s been a dad to the jungle camp, soothing the group with dulcet-toned riddles — but on day 12, the nation lost a bit of faith in the boxer.
Because when Chris and Ferne had to decide who would be banished to the Danger Zone, Chris said it should be the purple team, and Ferne agreed. What a quick and easy decision!
Except that when Ferne broke the big news to purple team Brian and Jorgie, Chris interrupted and said no, they’d chosen pink. Not purple.
Things got about as panicky as they can get on a show about celebrities getting prizes for touching crabs, and Ferne looked like she wanted to run back to Brentwood and have a sausage sandwich ASAP.
“You said purple,” she said, wide-eyed with fear, thinking “did he say purple??”
(yes, he absolutely did say purple)
“No I didn’t, I said Duncan’s team,” Chris insisted.
He then suggested that, because “purple” and “Duncan” sound similar, Ferne might have misheard.
An interesting theory. Or did she, in fact, hear purple because Chris said purple?
It was all extremely fun for everyone, especially the banished team who discovered they’d be enduring hardship at Snake Rock simply because Chris had mixed up his lilac and rose.
“I’ve just made a massive mistake and now I’m really annoyed,” said Ferne, bursting into tears in the Bush Telegraph. “I would rather just not win and go straight to Snake Rock.”
All the while, Chris calmly kept repeating that he hadn’t said this:
RadioTimes.com strongly suspects that the Purple/Duncan saga is what landed Chris in the bottom two with Susannah when it came to the public vote. But it was Susannah who got the boot, telling Ant and Dec it had been “bittersweet.” And she didn’t just mean all those larvae she’d eaten.
The other big news of the night was Lady C’s peace-making with Brian. It was all very Mean Girls, with Lady C telling him she would take him for a Chinese when he was next in London. “Fabulous,” said Brian, his molars squeaking from all that teeth-gritting.
And the award for Sweetest Yet Most Disturbing Quote of the Episode went to Duncan, who looked fondly at Vicky and George before declaring, “I love them both like I love my children. And I’d like to adopt both of them, if they’re free.”
Vicky “there are a million reasons why I fancy Duncan” Pattison will probably not be free for that particular set-up…