Apples, it seems, are going to have to grow on lilac trees before we enjoy an episode of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! which doesn’t revolve around Lady C’s I-don’t-want-to-be-in-the-spotlight monologues.
The woman all but got an exit interview with Ant and Dec as they tried to understand exactly why she refused to do tonight’s Bushtucker Trial. One might as well have served canapés as she waxed lyrical about the many pitfalls of her fellow campmates. But between fluttering her eyelashes and squeezing Ant’s biceps, Lady C of course made her feelings quite clear: “I don’t win food for arseholes”.
I’d say that was the subject closed, but of course it wasn’t. Heavens, what would we do if she stopped talking? Apart from mop up the blood that’s been rushing from our ears of course.
Back in camp, some supported her gumption. Others, well put it this way, no poetry recital from Chris Eubank (Rudyard Kipling or not) was going to calm them down. Tony do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do Hadley was among those campers adamant Lady C should have at least given the trial a go. This was of course rather a case of the pot calling the kettle black after his refusal to do his bit as a chambermaid. Then again, it was difficult to focus on anything Mr Hadley was saying as he attempted to look butch lifting pebbles rocks above his head.
But it’s OK guys. Take a teeny weeny step back. No one hates anyone. Brian Friedman just wants “the bitch out so bad” and Lady C “despises them” and “looks down on them” but doesn’t hate them. It’s the kind of stuff Kodak moments are built on.
Of course, all of this good feeling bursting from camp made for the perfect night for a team challenge. And it was an important one at that. Immunity from the first elimination was up for grabs. Which Lady C didn’t not not want, but wasn’t going to not not try to not not get herself kicked out. Or something like that.
The trial, which was a Houdini-meets-video-game style challenge, led to one of the single most memorable moments of any series of I’m A Celeb yet. No, Gemma Collins didn’t run in to tag in on Lady C’s trial. Mr Eubank paused in his team challenge efforts to give the python above him a drink of water. Well, as someone once probably didn’t say, the man who wears the shell monocle is the man who’s at one with Mother Nature’s creatures.
But – and you’ll want to sit down for this I’m sure – at the end of it all, it was Lady C’s team (because you damn well know she was team leader) that suffered defeat. The water-drinking python was, as far as she was concerned, going to leave her children motherless, so she opted to quit the trial. Camp leader Vicky Pattison and her fellow winners, Duncan Bannatyne and George Shelley, barely needed all of their fifteen seconds to decide who to send into the Danger Zone – aka back-to-basics-camp Snake Rock – and so Lady C, Susannah Constantine and Yvette Fielding are the first confirmed campers up for eviction.
All that remains is for me to get Ferne McCann on the phone to detail exactly how that went down. Oh, no, wait. She hung up….
I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! continues Friday at 9:00pm on ITV